Women want to talk and men want to...

I just finished reading The Sex Report, the cover story in this week’s India Today .The report is based on a survey about what women want. The result is: They want men to talk to them.

This began long, long ago when one Miss Eve had a similar problem with certain Mr Adam. She felt he didn’t talk. “He doesn’t talk to me. I wish he talked,” she complained to God, because there weren’t any friends around.

God didn’t tell her that it wasn’t Adam’s fault, that He made man to talk only when he had something to say.

But since He had promised to fulfil Eve’s wishes, he forced Adam to talk. And the guy did next time Eve said: “Talk to me.”

“Well, I supposed we shouldn’t have had that apple,” said Adam.

“No. Not apple. Talk about something nice,” said Eve.

“Well, you’re nice and pretty. Now go to sleep,” said Adam.

“Tell me more,” said Eve.

“Zzzzzz.”

“God!”

Thousands of years letter, this conversation is repeated in millions of bedrooms every night.

Woman wants to talk. Especially after she has just made love. Reasons vary from woman needing post-coital care or afterplay to just plain “I feel cheap. It’s like he needs sex, he doesn’t need me.”

For the man, it’s simple. The reasons for this behaviour vary from “Let’s go to sleep, we gotta get up early” to “Men biologically feel sleepy after sex”.

The reason is men go to sleep because they don’t think people should talk with lights off. It’s unfair to say he doesn’t talk. He talks non-stop all the time, that’s one of the prominent complaints women have.

Truth is he can’t just talk, when there are things to do like sleep. You can’t go to bed and begin talking. Going into bed means going to sleep.

He talks before sex because he’s not going to sleep but going for a roll. After it, he knows he has to sleep. “So cut the crap,” he thinks and Zzzzzzz.

He does want to talk when he has something to say. But he often fails.

Woman: “Hey, talk to me.”
Man: “About what?”
Woman: “Anything.”
Man: “Ask me something.”

Woman: “No. Anything, I just want to talk to you.”
He wants to talk about Vajpayee inducting Mamata again, his business bottomlines rising up again, Jugraj getting hurt in an accident and Tendulkar being in good shape. But before he can start, she says: “Say something nice to me.”

Man murmurs: “If you have to talk, talk, don’t talk (about talking).”
Woman murmurs: “Why can’t you talk to me, moron.”

Anyway, since the debate began with aftertalk, what do they talk if they do? Depends on who they are.

NOT MARRIED BUT IN LUST COUPLE
Girl: Are you sure I won’t get pregnant?
Boy: No. I’m sure.

MARRIED AND WANTING KIDS COUPLE
Girl: Are you sure I will get pregnant?
Boy: Yes. I’m sure.

MARRIED AND NO KIDS COUPLE
Girl: Do you think I should get pregnant?
Boy: Oh, I’m not sure.

MARRIED LIVING IN JOINT FAMILY TWO-ROOM FLAT COUPLE
Girl: Are you sure Daddyji-Mummyji did’t hear?
Boy: No, I’m sure.

MARRIED LIVING IN JOINT FAMILY FIVE-ROOM FLAT COUPLE
Girl: Your sister’s a bitch.
Boy: Go to sleep, bitch.

Men do not think this talk helps. Women think these dialogues must be longer. Men talk women into sex, women have sex to make him talk.