Saturday, December 31, 2005

New Year Resolution

Avant News quotes Dr Quirk as saying:
"Don't make any resolutions this year. That should be your resolution. Whatever the damn thing is you want to get done, just do it without any hypocritical ceremonial champagne-lubricated fanfare. If you refuse to keep deceiving yourself, you might stop letting yourself be so easily deceived by other people. Trust me, you'll thank yourself in the long run."

I am gonna stick to what the doctor prescribed. Thanks doc.

Long Live King Kong

I watched King Kong recently. The benign beast is huge. There are some people who want to capture him or kill him. They fire at him, indiscriminately. Nothing happens. A bullet here and there is nothing more than a pinprick for the dude.

There's another King Kong I know. In 1992 and then even in 2003 they took a shot its stomach. On 13, December 2001 and again on Diwali eve this year, they tried to blow its heart. And just a couple of days ago, they tried to blow its brains out. It just flinched, eyes squinted a little, skipped a heartbeat maybe. But nothing more. New Year is around the corner. So it's already in the mood to party. Pricks notwithstanding.

In the movie, King Kong is finally captured when it's tricked to inhale chloroform. That knocks the dude out.

But the King Kong I know and live isn't easy to deceive. Parts of it do come under the influence of different disease-causing elements, but that too may not be for long, as it learns new things every time it's hurt. It may bleed here and there, once in a while, but it heals quickly. This King Kong can't be captured, forget killing it.

So all you pricks, bring 'em on, show us what you got. King Kong ain't scared.
Crossposted on IBN Blogs

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Agony Uncle: What's your problem?


When the big, bad guys have emotional problems, this is where they come to. If you have an emotional problem and don't know what to do, then email it to Agony Uncle. All you have to do is write Dear Agony Uncle in the subject, then your problem and then your nickname. And save it as draft. Because Agony Uncle is likely to pick mostly those that come from the big, bad guys. You are bad, but not bad enough.

Here are the three chosen letters picked today and Agony Uncle's tips to handle emotional stress. Exclusively on this blog.


Dear Aghani Ankle,
My wife was chief minister of a state and we, our 10 kids, and 200 cattle lived peacefully in the house plus the outhouse, my personal area. But after those ever-unsatisfied suckers voted my wife out, the new government is threatening to force me out of my outhouse. My and I have been stretching out stay. Should I stay put? Tell me fast na.

Aaloo Prasad, Patna

Dear Aaloo,
Anything rubbery, don't stretch it to the point it breaks. Out of the outhouse. Aur koi chaara nahin.



Dear Agony Uncle,
CNN-IBN has just exposed how the illegal constructions owned by Municipal Corporation of Delhi officers and politicians are standing tall even as a demolition drive bulldozes into the common man's illegal extensions. I want to change things, I can't see my own officials violating laws. But I am not politically powerful enough.

Leela Dikshit, Delhi

Dear Leela,
You must understand you can't change anything. But since this urge is taking a toll, here's a solution: Make it official. Rechristen the MCD the Most Corrupt Department.



Dear Agony Chacha,

Devi Chacha is asking us to stick to ideology and remove the shortcomings. And they insist on remote controlling my party and since we are attached with an umbilical cord, I don't know what do. Please help.

A.K. Ladvani

Dear AK,
Only just-borns have umbilical cords. You are 25. But take brother Devi's advice and remove your biggest shortcoming, which is sticking to RSS ideology. And if you get a grip on emote-control, remote control will not work.

Crossposted on IBN Blogs

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Kolkata celebrates Mithun's comeback, Mithunda says he's happy

Kolkata: Jubilant scenes broke out on the streets of Kolkata with delirious crowds streaming on to the streets to distribute sweets as news of Mithun Chakravborty's return to the cast of the next B. Subhash film spread like wildfire.

Having held up trains and set up road blocks for days in protest against Chakraborty's exclusion from the cast earlier this month, film buffs sprinkled 'gulal' on each other and shouted 'Mithun Chakraborty zindabad'.

A large number of people gathered before Mithun's home on the northern outskirts of the city, displaying the filmstar's posters and beating drums, as Christmas seemed to have descended a day in advance in the City of Joy.

Reacting to the news of his inclusion, Mithun Chakraborty said he was happy to have made a comeback and hoped that the film would do well at the box office.

"I am very happy to be back in the film just like any other actor in a similar situation," Mithun told newspersons at his residence in Ooty soon after being cast in the film.

He said he was yet to hear officially about his inclusion and received the "good news" from television. Asked whether he was going to be the lead hero, Mithun said, "I haven't heard anything of the sort. All I can say at this moment is that I am very happy".

Recalling that the last B. Subhash film had been declared a hit both in Uttarpada and Titagarh, he said "I hope we will all act well". Mithun refused to draw any comparison between now and his earlier return to Bollywood in 1996.

Jagmohan Dalmeinkala, the former FPAI president, today welcomed Mithun's inclusion while stating that undue pressure should not be put on Mithun. "In the first place, he should not have been dropped from cast despite acting reasonably well in Jallad Khooni. It is good that better sense has prevailed and casting directors realised their mistake and have corrected it," Dalmeinkala said.

"Mithun has a lot of acting left in him. I am confident he will be given his due chance and hope that undue pressure will not be put on him," said Dalmeinkala who is the president of the Film Association of Bengal (FAB).

Meanwhile his adversary, Bharat Pawar, the present Film Producers Association of India president, also threw his weight behind Mithun, saying the former action hero deserved a place in the film and that reports questioning his conduct were not true.

"It looks like that he is definitely the proper person who should be included [in the film]," Pawar told reporters minutes after the film's cast was named.

"What was appearing in the papers that he was not cooperating and his relationship with his colleagues was not good, I myself went to his senior colleagues, there is not a single complaint against him. And whatever reports appeared in the media is unfair on any actor and especially for the person who has got hits for Bollywood," he said.

Pawar had met Mithun last week in Delhi where the actor reportedly discussed his exclusion from the film.

Minutes after television channels beamed the news large crowds gathered at various pockets in the city to kickstart impromptu celebrations.

The local television channels, which had been beaming deabtes on Mithun's chances of returning to the film world for the last few days, started showing scenes of mirth and conducting 'vox pops'. From Shyambazar in the north to Naktala in the south, from Belaghata in the east to Garden Reach in the west, the joy on the faces of Mithun's fans was there for all to see.

Violent protests had broken out in Kolkata and other parts of West Bengal after Bollywood dance-action hero Mithun Chakraborty was dropped from the cast of the next B. Subhash film. The Film Producer's Association chief Bharat Pawar had later assured Mithunda that he would look into his case.

(All the quotes and events in the story are true. Both PTI and Edit+Find+Replace contributed to this report.)
Crossposted on IBN blogs.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Togayther, happily here after

Elton John has just married his long time partner David Furnish. Now his apartment is fully furnished. And twogether, they must be feeling the love tonight, with old lilting Mukesh melodies. Now playing: Bas yehi apradh main har baar kartaa huuN, Aadmi hoon aadmi se pyaar karta hoon.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Lose fat or lose the cheque

Air-India has asked its crew to lose weight or lose the job. And the estimated 10 per cent of its 1,600 cabin crew are overweight. S Venkat, Air India's general manager public relations, says: "We have a tolerance limit that cannot be exceeded," he said. "Imagine if crew members can't fasten their seat belts, how can they fly?" another Air-India spokesman, G Prasad Rao, said. Carrying every extra kilo adds to the weight of the plane.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

DEJA VU... in which U stands for Uma, the walking disaster

BJP has done it. Again. After Uma did it again. The rebel without a pause is a rebel with a showcause today. So will the sanyasin go on a sanyas finally. Knowing her, she won't. And knowing BJP, they won't let her. She will again walk out and go walking to Ayodhya. And be a walking disaster for the BJP. And BJP will again showcause her. And she will again say sorry. And everybody will say she's fine.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Random thoughts on a Monday morning

Some Indian experts have been fuming at Nepal King Gyanendra's crackdown on a privately-owned radio station. Radio Sagarmatha was ordered to shut down after it broadcast an interview with Maoist leader Prachanda.

While it must be said that the King's gagging of the media in Nepal is deplorable, we Indians do not have the moral right to question Nepal.

India has not allowed private radio stations to broadcast news even in the age of satellite revolution. News on radio continues to be the government monopoly and only the All India Radio, the government's mouthpiece, is allowed to broadcast news.

Indians, including the Indian government, are also angry that the King is not restoring democracy in the country as he promised when he took over the executive powers.

India, US and UK have joined hands in pushing the King to the wall, and that wall is the Great Wall of China. Imagine Maoist China helping the King in his war against the Maoists! Ok you don't need to imagine it... the first large consignment of arms arrived in Nepal last week.

While it should be natural for India, who is battling a Maoist insurgence in large parts of her land, to help Nepal.

India has to realise the fact that free-for-all democracy will lead Nepal to be overwhelmed by the Moists. Democracy is imortant but if democracy leads to democracy's death, what use is that democracy?

Nepal is on the brink. It needs India's help in crushing the rebellion. Democracy can come later.


Angelina Jolie has been touring the quake-affected areas of Pakistan. And millions of hearts in the not-affected are trembling with a wicked wish: God give us an earthquake too.

Raj Thackeray has brought Shiv Sena to the breaking point. He, who has modelled himself on Shiv Sena chief Bal Thackeray, is distraught that Bal chose his baalak Uddhav over him to lead the party. Raj looks like Thackeray, wears Thackeray style glasses, dresses like him, talks like him, draws cartoons like him, believes in non-violent politics like him... Still uncle chooses his own son. That has pissed him.

Rising sons have set many a father's sun in our country.

Devi Lal's boat was rocked by his son Chautala, whose sons sank Chautala's boat.

Natwar Singh is drowning in oil because his son has dragged him into the mess.

Sanjay Gandhi brought Indira Gandhi to the ground. She had to go to jail because he took the country for a rough ride.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Crack case: Man arrested for selling flour

Man arrested for selling fake crack. Kya zamaana aa gaya hai! A man was jailed late Friday on felony charges of selling cooked flour as crack cocaine. John Lemarcus McLaurin, 23, was charged with possession with intent to sell or deliver counterfeit controlled substances. If you sell cocaine, you get jail. If you don't, you still get jail. This can happen only in America.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Make babies, not love

K.S. Sudarshan of the Rashtriya Sanghasevak Sangh hit the headlines today with another outlandish comment: Hindus must procreate at a faster rate to keep up with the Muslim rate of population growth. He says Christians and Muslims are growing at a percentage that has reduced Hindus to a minority in many parts of the country. His fears are based on true census figures.

His solution: A Hindu couple must have at least three children. He would be happy of every couple has over a dozen.

Sudarshan is a bachelor, like other big Sangh leaders. All pracharaks have to practise celibacy as a rule. The exceptions are kept hush-hush.

He and his organisation have always called sex a dirty thing and a corrupting influence of the West. Don't kiss and caress and hold hands. Don't make love, make babies.

They discourage recreation, encourage procreation. His shares his initials with a famous condom, a latex contraption that prevents procreation, boosts recreation. That latex derives its name from a famous treatise by Vatsyayana, a saint who told Indians how to bring recreation into the act then performed only for procreation since creation.

Kitne Aadmi bache? Bas ek, Sardar

Kitne Aadmi the? Teen, Sardar. Par ab ek hi bacha hai. Breaking News on TV says S. Jaipal Reddy is gone. Natwar went last week. Shivraj Patil is lonely now, the one from my list of three still holding on to the job.
Reddy, a member of the former socialist brigade who swam up floating on anti-Congress planks, hopped on to the Congress boat and beat old Congressis in the game of kissing the ground their leader didn't even walk on. And S. Jaipal Ever-Ready was made a minister for information and broadcasting. The information industry is one of the fastest growing sectors and is called the industry of the future. But with Jaipal at the helm, ahem, its wheels got stuck.
We hope Priya Ranjan Das Munshi, the new man in, manages to catch up on the lost time.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Nutswar Singh

India was to be one of the sponsors of a UN resolution to declare January 27 as a memorial day for victims of the Holocaust.

Natwar Singh, just before he stepped down, prevented that from happening to prove to the Leftists that he was he was not pro-Israel or Pro-US. And since he saw the Volcker report as an American conspiracy against his political career.

The result: On November 1, when the resolution was adopted India stood with countries like Venezuela, Indonesia, and Egypt.

India representative stood with Egyptian represenative who demanded a memorial day "for Muslims too" and the Venezuelan one who wanted a memorial day for "victims of the systematic genocide by America around the world."

Did Natwar discuss this with the PM before taking a random anti-American stand? Looks like he took the Left in confidence.

Babuji, zara Gaur pharmayen

Politicians and their paramours are gist for the rumour mills but they rarely get space in the mainstream media. And after a long time, Madhya Pradesh Chief Minister Babulal Gaur's escapades have found their way in into the media shy of bringing very personal issues of politicians to public. But this one didn't need to. As Gaur's alleged mistress washed her dirty linen in public.

Shagufta Kabir heads the state's Panch Ja project and has a Minister of State rank. She is a BJP councillor otherwise. Gaur, campaigning in her ward, made BJP's most famous secular quote: "Why can't Hindus and Muslims share the fruits of progress in peace?"

In August, at a press conference organised by Mahila Utpidan Virodhi Morcha's Vijeyta Pathak, her husband Salim had accused her of beating him up and breaking his bones.

He also accused Babu Lal Gaur of seducing his wife. And her sister Sameena. He said he used to call his wife up and make kissing sounds. He also claimed to have overheard Gaur saying I Love You to Shagufta on phone.

In August, Shagufta had said She's 33 and Gaur is 75 and like her father. "Main Ishq karoongi to us se, jiske munh mein daant nahi, pet mein aant nahin".

Her husband says Shagufta's 45. She insists she is 33.

On Monday, she was supposed to address a press conference organised by Mahila Utpidan Virodhi Morcha's Vijeyta Pathak, but didn't turn up. Pathak said she must have been kidnapped by Gaur's gurgas.

On Tuesday, at a press conference organised by Mahila Utpidan Virodhi Morcha's Vijeyta Pathak, Shagufta said Babu Lal had sought sexual favours from her in return for his political favours. And that he did make the kissing sounds and he did say I love you over the phone.

But before she could say much, Samina came to the press conference and said: STOP OR I WILL STRANGLE MYSELF WITH THIS DUPATTA.

Shagufta paused.


Shagufta stopped.

They both were rushing to the hospital, they said.

Pathak too rushed to the hospital, in her bid to revive the press conference. She couldn't find the sisters or the ailing mother.

Reacting to all this husband Salim said:

"Samina spoils the press conferences. She spoiled my press conferences in Bhopal and even in Delhi. She always spoils the press conferences."

We are waiting for Babulal Gaur's next press conference. If Uma Bharti doesn't spoil that, Samina or Shagufta would.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Kitne Aadmi The? Do Sardar.

Natwar is gone. The other man I always thought was a misfit is Shivraj Patil. Kitne aadmi the and Andhra back to square one. He's the Union home minister, the man responsible for internal security of this country. But he too has been living in a time warp.

And look what he has gifted us. By letting the murderous Maoist marauders lord over a large part of India by playing softball with them, Patil has made these guys regroup, consolidate and become more dangerous for the country. The boom generally experienced in Indian economy has not touched life in the Red Corridor of India.

Poverty and lack of development suit the Maoist agenda. They, on the face of it, fight for the poor. So they need poor people to stay poor, so that they can fight for them. I'm not saying that poverty would disappear overnight if the Maoists weren't there. But I firmly believe is that their situation will improve dramatically if they were allowed to join the mainstream.

Maoists do not want roads because roads make it easier for the law to chase them. Roads also make it easier for market capitalism to go deep in the countryside. So they attack road contractors. They collect taxes to arm themselves. They kill policemen and snatch their arms. In some places, they run a parallel government.

The Central government knows that. Shivraj Patil knew that when he came into power. But then power came into him. And he chose to ignore all the signs that scream: Dear India, Maoist terrorism is bigger than Kashmir terrorism. But Shivraj opted for soft, silky road to peace. In Kashmir. In the Red corridor: Running from Nepal to Tamil Nadu. The result is: more bloodshed.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Wakaw goes out, fuming

I've been really busy while the Volcker-Natwar drama played out in the last week. It was part of the reason I was busy and mostly kept off the net.
I wanted to say so much but didn't have to as the media gave it all the possible spins...

Today, when Natwar has just been kicked out... I feel vindicated. After he went berserk against the US over the Volcker affair, Natwar is out of sync. He is senile and has two left feet mostly in his mouth... I had said that soon after he became the minister for external affairs... This man was unfit to hold a sensitive post like that of India's foreign minister. Four samples. Wakaw I. Wakaw II. Wakaw III. Wakaw IV.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Should we kill the Jews, Mr Karat?

Wipe Israel off the face of the earth, that's the call given by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the man heading Iran. Simple. Imam said so, he says.

He is a Head of a State that promises to handle its fledgling nuclear power responsibly. Waah.

And the Leftists here in India want India to back Iran as it defies the world community. Indian Communists want Iran to arm itself with warheads because both Iran and our Leftists hate America.

Hating America is fine... but a bomb in the hands of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Don't know about Israel but he might wipe his own country off the map. A nuke ain't a cracker, you crackhead.

I haven't yet heard a reaction from the Commies.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Dig Vijay Prakash Yadav

Is it a crime to carry licensed firearms?
Cops have found booze in his car, but is that crime?
Some Rs 6-7 lakhs were recovered from his car, so under what rule of law does he become a criminal?

Digvijay Singh, the Congress incharge of Bihar, on the arrest of Jamui Assembly candidate Vijai Prakash Yadav. Yadav, the RJD nominee and younger brother of central water resources minister Jai Prakash Yadav, was arrested and thrashed by the police after he was caught luring with booze and bucks and scaring voters with a rifle at a polling booth in Jamui. RJD is an ally of the Congress (or better Congress is an ally of the RJD).

Digvijay Singh is one of the most sophisticated, eloquent and sensible leaders from the Hindi belt. He's well educated and has held posts of a chief minister (Madhya Pradesh) and Central Cabinet minister. But he's obviously senile, because...

It is a crime to carry firearms on an election day, even if it is licensed. People are required to submit their licensed arms with the government. If one needs to retain a firearm, he/she needs to carry a No-Objection certificate issued by the government. Vijai Prakash did not have those papers.

It is a crime to carry large amounts of alcohol on the election day. And a candidate carrying that is more so.

It's not a crime to carry large amount of money... but Vijai Prakash's known sources of income do not allow him to carry so much money in a fleet of cars...


Saturday, October 15, 2005

PoK Marks Rediffined: Quake has strengthened Jehad

Read this Rediff gem that redifines malignant myopia among reporters and
this time it's not an alien. It's a Pakistani journalist, who visited two
camps run by jehadis and reached the conclusion. Am not saying he jumped to it,
because I don't want to jump to any.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Losing Bal-ance

Saffron or kesar or crocus sativas is supposed to have amazing medicinal values: it prevents heart disease, build-up of cholesterol, soothes membranes of the stomach and colon. And adds its taste and aroma to any dish you add this to.

The colour saffron is holy for Hindus. And so political parties who claim to fight the Hindu cause wrap themselves in saffron. The Sangh Parivar is often referred to as the saffron parivar. But the values of saffron have obviously not helped the politicos much.

The BJP is fighting a build up of bad cholestrol that's clogging its arteries. And its stomach is churning. Not a day passes when we do not see some signs of verbal diarrhoea. And no amount of soothing of membranes helps, as the next day some Uma, Pramod or Shatrughan suffers from loose emotions.

But the point of this blog is the unbearable lightness of being Bal Thackeray. The self-proclaimed Tiger is tamed by age and the current phase in his life. He loved his son Uddhav and anointed him successor, over Raj the nephew. He lost his right arm and left arm, Chhagan and Narayan, in the process.

But Tiger would hate this day in his life. Narayan is finally, finally, taking away his men from Sena. He's meeting Sonia Gandhi today with 10-11 Sena MLAs. Those 11 include Ramdas Kadam, the leader of the Opposition in Maharashtra Assembly.

Shiv Sena lost its first Leader of the Opposition in this Maha Assembly, when Rane went over to the Congress. On October 11, Sena's candidate Kadam was elected the leader of the Opposition. Today Kadam is matching his steps with Rane as he goes into the Congress fold. And once again, Sena will be looking for a leader of the Opposition.

But it won't be easy. The BJP, now weaker than ever and so across the country, would want that post. The Sena-BJP deal has been that whoever has more MLAs gets that post. With Rane taking his team out, the Sena has just 51-52 MLAs left against BJP's 54. BJP naturally would stake a claim. And a frail Sena may give in this time.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

II PM report: Ponytail on fire, blogosphere burning

Everybody accepts that blogs can be a useful tool of information. But some had doubts about how useful and exactly when. We have TV, we have internet (outside blogs), we have newspapers, magazines and what not, so where do the blogs stand in as source of first hand information?

The answer is here. This story and the stories around it that you will probably read only on blogs. It's about IIPM and its controversial claims, but you won't see them in most other media because IIPM happens to one of the biggest advertisers today.

IIPM, the B-school run by that pony-tailed Chaudhary, is the focus of a raging controversy in blogosphere. When I first read about IIPM and its claims and Jam's rip-it-apart story, I had the feeling this will be big. But this big?! Amit Verma of India Uncut has put it all together. Question of Principles.

Quake-hit Hizb ceases fire

Syed Salahuddin of the terrorist group Hizb-ul-Mujahideen says the United Jehad Council, the umbrella organisation of terrorist groups operating in Jammu and Kashmir, will not execute any attack plans and instead help in rescue and relief in the quake-hit region.

Make no mistakes; he's not that humanitarian a soul. The truth is the earthquake has wiped out a large part of the terrorist infrastructure on the other side of the line of control. And his relief and rescue means rescuing the camps and giving relief to injured terrorists.

He won't accept it, but Lashkar-e-Tayyaba has. The Lashkar said yesterday that at least 100 of its militants perished in the earthquake.

AP Rediffines Kashmir Relief: Hip, hip, Hurriyat!

An AP report on Rediff says Hurriyat is the most visible help in the quake-hit areas of Kashmir. It simply rubbishes the other reports, including those from AP, by saying Indian Army isn't visible in the valley, apart from from inside the sand-bagged bunkers. Rediff, being the flagbearer of the unbiased, ran the headline. This report once again shows Western journalists airdropping in alien lands and assuming the role of a know-all expert in an instant.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Meeraculous turnaround: Bolly no good

After her movies failed to make any moolah, Meera is missing from Mumbai. She is back home making mullah's happy after making Lucky Ali's lips luckier in Kasak. She had earlier locked her lips with Ashmit Patel in Nazar. Now, she says Bollywood movies are injurious to Pakistani junta's health." Sour grapes!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Big Illa

In Chennai, you can't kiss, can't shake to a western tune, can't talk about sex, and can't wear jeans and t-shirt to an engineering college.

Parents in Delhi are threatening their kids with a new line. If they find their college-going kids not behaving, they say: "Beta behave, nahin to we will get you admission in a Chennai college."

Sunday, October 02, 2005

behen no m0re... I am your goddamn goddess

In her last five public speeches, Behen Mayawati of Bahujan Samaj asked her followers to begin paying cash with their tributes and support. She asked the bahujan samaj to not make offerings at temples, to deities they never see. Instead, she says, prople should make offerings to her, their living goddess. "Take some part out of your hard-earned mony and donate it to me," she exhorted people recently in Delhi.

She has realised that being a sister isn't rewarding enough. Being a goddess is. Besides one little dirty suffix makes that behen word the most frequently used abuse in north India.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

India refuses to apologise for Sonu Nigam

Canada has finally apologised for Celine Dion. In a carefully worded statement, the Canadian government has said, "We fully understand the titanic pain that went on and on for years, and we as a nation are sorry."

The United States has welcomed the apology but has objected to the use of the word "nation". Britain, a US ally, too welcomed the statement but asked Canada to apologise for Bryan Adams too, if Canada wants the world community to take it seriously.

India has refused to apologise for Sonu Nigam, saying it was an internal matter. "Since most of the world has not been subjected to Sonu, there is no need for an apology," the Prime Minister's Office said in New Delhi.

The US and the UK have pointed out that Sonu had enjoyed huge sales in their countries, thanks to a large number of NRIs there. But the Indian government said New Delhi would apologise to the NRIs when they come to India for the NRI meet scheduled later this year.

Come into my Bihar, Laloo tells Kate Moss

India's railway minister Laloo Prasad Yadav has asked British supermodel Kate Moss to join his party, Rashtriya Janata Dal, and campaign in Bihar. Kate Moss, who's nearly jobless, after being dropped by big brands like Chanel, Burberry and H&M, is said to be positively studying Mr Yadav's proposal.

But analysts in India are still struggling to understand the motive behind this move by Mr Yadav, who is credited to have invented maverick and shrewd.
But KaKiSi's World has sources really close to Mr Yadav. And we give you Top 3 reasons why Mr Yadav has made this offer to Moss.

  1. Kate Moss is being investigated after a newspaper published photographs showing her snorting coke. She is said to be a habitual offender when it comes to drugs and sex. Rashtriya Janata Dal has many leaders who are habitual offenders when it comes to murder and robbery. Drugs and sex is no crime, but Mr Yadav's party has a good number of people charged with rape.
  2. Kate Moss sounds, at least to a Bihari or Gujarati ear, like cat mouse. It's the game of cat and mouse that Mr Yadav has played many times with his voters, the law and who ever you can think of.
  3. Mr Yadav thinks people will relate to her and call her Kate Mousi. And if Shabnam Mousi, a eunuch, can become an MLA, Kate Mousi surely can. A rolling stone gathers no moss, and a Moss after a roll of you know what may go for a roll in the hay and hey who minds that. Mr Yadav's brothers in law will not.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Bush declares war on Cuba as Lopez pounds Florida

President Bush ordered troops to move into Cuba, hours after a deadly hurricane hit Florida before moving towards Texas. No deaths were reported but damage has been extensive. Soon after the hurricane hit Florida, President Bush said the hurricane originated in Cuba, and the United States had evidence to prove the recent hurricanes were not caused by nature, but triggered by what he called Fidel Castro's rogue regime.

Weather of mass destruction
Reacting to the recent increased weather-related activities in the Gulf of Mexico, President Bush has also declared freak weather as "weapon of mass distraction." He said the United States will fight these people till it wins.

"There are weather systems in this world who wish to curtail our time honoured values of liberty, freedom and democracy. We will not stand for this act of terrorism. We will strike back with unrestrained force and the might of our military forces.

Osama says he did it
In a new twist to the US-Cuba standoff, the al-Qaeda terrorist organisation has claimed responsibility for Hurricane Lopez. In a taped messaged sent to the al-Jazeera channel, al-Qaeda's second-in-command Ayman al-Jawahiri said the tornado was launched from a ship off the Cuban coast to annihilate the infidels. He said the Cuban President Castro was not infidel, and al-Qaeda volunteers would go into Cuba to fight street battles, like they are doing in Iraq. The Al-Jazeera channel also showed terrorists practising hurricane launching at what looked like a terror camp in Afghanistan.

Britain arrests Qaeda man
Britain meanwhile has arrested a man who it suspects helped create the hurricane. Sheikh al-Rashid, a British citizen of Moroccan origin, had gone to Egypt for a course in meteorology. Scotland Yard claimed to have recovered a large number of books and maps about weather patterns.

India hints at Pakistani hand
Staying on this breaking news, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has said that India will be neutral. An Indian External Affairs Ministry spokesman said India has however passed on related intelligence to the Bush administration. He said Indian satellites have picked up images that show a laboratory in Pakistan making what is being claimed to be an Islamic tornado making plant. Pakistan has rejected India's claims. Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf said Pakistan is at the forefront in the war against terrorism.

Bush announces new austerity measures
President George W. Bush has announced to drop the W from his name, as part of the new austerity measures announced in the wake of the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. A White House statement said: "The President is setting an example by not using things that are not essential and cause only confusion."

It was confusion more than anything else that caused the delay in reaching relief to the people in New Orleans. President Bush thought France should step in as New Orleans was mostly French, while France does not believe sending troops to any foreign country, other than Africa.

President Bush has said there was an exit plan for troops deputed in New Orleans but vowed to not pull back until the enemy hurricane is defeated. "We will stay on. United States will not give in to these criminals," he told reporters in Washington.

He also said that the W will be rehabilitated once New Orleans folks are rehabilitated.

And finally, the song
(Black rapper singing with the weather map in background)

This is a story told through a map
And I don't mean it to sound like rap

This is the story of Mr Bush and Katrina
A saint called George and a lean, mean sinner

He will stay on and not pull back
And if the need be, he'll go out and attack

He won Baghdad, and Kabul by all means
but how can he win in New Orleans

He beat Saddam and crushed Taliban
he would crush hurricane if he can

They say in war all everything's fair
But a hurricane, oh dear St. Blair

Going to war is the option he'd love
He'll blame Cuba if Bush comes to shove

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Flintoff accuses Indian of being a useless shooter

Ashes hero Andrew Flintoff has accused an Indian cricket fan of being a bad shooter. The England player was playing in Delhi when he was shot at, and apparently the bullet hit him but didn't do much.

"I felt something hit me and, looking down, saw pellets on the ground," Flintoff wrote in his book Being Freddie, extracts of which were published in the London Times. "You expect to have plastic bottles thrown at you when you are playing on the sub-continent, but you don’t expect to be shot."

And he goes on to accused the Delhi police of sweeping the shooting under the carpet. Read this.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Kiss mat, hum Hindu hain

Kiss and pay. An Israeli couple who got married on the banks of the Pushkar Lake paid Rs 500 each for sealing it with a kiss.

Alone and Selev, according to a Pushkar court, had 'committed an act of indecency' by kissing in public after their marriage.

"The Pushkar Purohit Sangh had lodged a complaint with the police on Sept 6 alleging them to have hurt Hindu sentiments by kissing each other infront of other devotees in a 'semi-naked condition' soon after the solemnisation of their marriage."

Police had registered a case against the couple under section 294 IPC and had arrested them who were later released on bail on personal bonds.

The couple in their written statement filed yesterday said that though they got married according to Hindu rituals they kissed each other as per their own culture. Stating that they were unaware that kissing in public place was 'prohibited in India', they denied that they were in a semi-naked condition at the time of marriage on Pushkar Ghat.

By the way Pushkar is a favourite tourist destination for Israelis. Other big favourite is Manali. And while we are at it, the Noida nightclub Elevate has more signs in Hebrew than in English. They want Israelis to make it their favourite.

Laughing to death

Don't we love the Aussies? I have had a good laugh or two watching those Foster's commercials: Australian for Beer. And I confess to have laughed at the sad news of two Australians dying while trying to laugh.

Australian police today said a second person had died after an apparent attempt to experiment with nitrous oxide, better known as laughing gas, as a recreational drug.

Police said four people were found unconscious in a car in Sydney's suburbs early Sunday after they had wound up the windows and opened a cylinder marked nitrous oxide in the boot. A 38-year-old man died on Sunday, and police said on Tuesday that a 23-year-old woman had also died last evening.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Aiyar I go again

The inevitable has happened. And I regret the gas-guzzler I bought to replace my old fuel-friendly gaddi.
Hurricane Katrina hitting the US' gulf coast gave the government an excuse to hike the prices here as crude oil has crossed the 70 dollar per barrel mark. But that won't be enough to convince the Leftist allies of the government. It has never been.
The Bihar election is around the corner and Laloo run with the Left even if it hunts with the Congress.
Expect a powerful hurricane of soundbites on news TV.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Homeo Sweet Homeo

Homeopathy doesn't work. Courtesy Express. I have been trying to tell this to people, including my dad, for ages, but they have refused to believe. And I know even after this study, they will continue to have faith in the system. It's that faith, that belief, which works. The medicine doesn't. It's a placebo effect that cures many of common diseases, that the body's immune system gets rid of anyway in a couple of days.

The doctors take credit. Homeopaths prefer treating folks with diseases that aren't life-threatening and mostly chronic and incurable ones. The diseases never get cured and they live off it. And homeopathic medicines never killed anyone, so it's a no-risk proposition.

It doesn't kill anyone, or cured anyone for that matter, because it's no medicine. On the face of it, the medicines are supposed be extracted from many sources, plants, animals, living and dead organisms. Till then there's evidence of a medicine. But then homeopathy believes in a weird system that dilutes the medicine to unimaginable levels. The most popular doses are like a drop in the Pacific Ocean. Now that's almost no medicine for the person who takes little sugar globules soaked in one drop from the one drop in the Pacific Ocean.

But homeopathy is booming here in India. Dr Batra's threatens to become a large corporation. People in rural areas with lack of primary healthcare system, like my village in Bihar, have doctors doling out doses to people. Some of them are cured. Some even die. And that's the tragedy. The homeopaths should make it clear that it's faith not the medicines.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Who wants Sarabjit Singh hanged?

Sarabjit Singh's impending hanging in Pakistan is touching an emotional peak here in India and the media coverage borders on plain jingoism. We see anchors pleading to Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf, we have seen Singh's family posing in front of a noose that they threaten to hang themselves with. There are reporters with OB vans broadcasting live from the native village of the man who has been rotting in Pakistani jails for over 15 years.

While no channel or newspapers has any idea about the merits of the case or the trial, every one presumes that Sarabjit Singh is innocent. And there is a sympathy wave sweeping the country.

I am not in a position to comment on the punishment, the truth is the truth hasn't come out and may never come out. In spite of hundreds of reporters being stationed in that small village in Pakistan, we still have no idea what this man did for living or how exactly he ended up in Pakistan in the first place.

What if he WAS a spy, what if he WAS involved in the low-intensity conflict that the two countries have been on for about their infancy? After all, Pakistanis are regularly caught here for sabotage and mayhem and murder and what not. We always blame the ISI for the explosions in out backyard. The Pakistanis reciprocate. They blame it all on RAW. And they accused Singh of being a RAW man.

Friday, August 19, 2005

God's Rottweiler sends mind to Germany, stays back in Italy

POPE Benedict XVI, lovingly called God's Rottweiler, has acknowledged that he was absent-minded after forgotting to bless the hundreds of pilgrims who attended his weekly audience at his Castel Gandolfo summer residence.

He said his mind was already in Cologne in his native Germany, where he was to travel to participate in the 20th World Youth jamboree.

AFP reports that the crowd gathered in the palace courtyard was surprised to see the Pope return to his window several moments after leaving after greeting pilgrims in several languages.

"I ask for your forgiveness, but I have forgotten the most important greeting, the greeting to the pilgrims in the Italian language," he told them.

He went back inside the palace, only to return again shortly.

"Today, I have forgotten the most important things. One can see that I am already in Cologne. I omitted the most important thing: the benediction," he said while smiling before giving his blessing.

Survey says Indian drivers are not aggressively incompetent. We say the surveyors are incompetent

It is time to protest against surveys. Since we like protesting against anything that undermines our supremacy in the world, I as a Delhiite propose a rally of car drivers in protest against a recent survey by the marketing company Synovate.

South African drivers are the worst road rage offenders in the world, an international survey has found." (Courtesy: BBC)

Fark says the article writer has obviously not visited Boston. I say the surveyors missed Delhi.

"South African motorists proved more fiery than their counterparts in Brazil, France, Greece, India, Korea, Malaysia, Taiwan, the UK and the US," says the report.

Bullshit. If the Delhi driver sees the Synovate guys on road here, he is gonna grab them by the collar and shout: "Idiot! Beh****od, Mad****od!"

India missed the top position because of milder cities like Bangalore, Pune etc. So why not protest against them too? Bringing shame to the country. We are f***ing fifth.

La-Loo-ta Raj

Some time ago, The Asian Age had a flyer saying Buta Raj is Loota Raj. Today's Indian Express hints it's a give and take."

Mr Buta Singh is too close to the Congress' blue eyed boy Laloo to be a bipartisan governor of a state now going for an election.

The governor's rule began in the state after Laloo's wife Rabri Devi couldn't win a majority in the assembly elections. Neither could the Opposition NDA. But when the NDA somehow managed to muster a majority by breaking a Congress ally, the Congress government at Centre imposed President's Rule in the state in an overnight development that shocked even Congress sympathisers.

Rabri Rule meant Laloo's Rule and the President's Rule is Laloo's Rule Redux. Apart from Laloo, Governor Buta Singh's son and daughter-in-law have been accused of running the state by proxy. Transfers are for sale, for cash and kind.

And that's where the give and take takes place. Express has exposed one.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

KaSi, it's crisper, simpler, Diddier!

Sean Combs is the man most likley to buy diamond-studded alloy wheels for his car. He makes a helluva lot of money and spends helluva lotter. The rapper/music producer/ex husband of Jennifer Lopez likes his cars, women and everything else new. Hell, he likes even his name to sound new all the time.

The man who called himself Puff Daddy, then Puffy, and later became P. Diddy, has now shortened it to a crisper Diddy. P. Diddy was nearly four years old. Over to Diddy.

"It's five letters, one word. The name is changed. We made it simpler. We removed the P. The P was getting in between us. We're entering the age of Diddy.

"A lot of my peeps in music been calling me Diddy, so it's not a drastic change for them. But people around the world didn't know what to call me. We was at (Madison Square Garden) rocking with Jay-Z. The last time I was there, half the crowd was chanting 'P Diddy', half the crowd chanting 'Diddy'. We gonna stop the confusion.

"'Diddy. Diddy, Diddy!' Simple. To the point and it sounds strong. It sounds like something is about to happen. It sounds like something is about to go down in history."

I have shortened my name to Kamlesh Singh, from Kamlesh K. Singh. K was literally coming between us.

The Bangla bomb

Some 400 bombs exploded in Bangladesh yesterday. Crude, home-made, not intended to kill many, these bombs are a signal to Dhaka that they may in future kill many. India has been warning Bangladesh for a long time to control the growing fundamentalism in the hinterland, but Dhaka has always been denying any such growth.

The ISI has been very active in Bangladesh and Nepal, trying to fan a new wave of Wahhabi extremism. Time, Dhaka cracked down on its backyard. It'll help the sub-continent and the most the People's Republic of Bangladesh, who the jehadis want to turn into the Islamic Republic of Bangladesh.

Andhra Update: Back to Square One

Andhra Pradesh Chief Minister Y.S.R. Reddy has banned the eight Naxalite organisations including the CPI(Maoist). Last year, he had allowed the ban on these organisations to lapse, hoping the Maoists would sit down with him and discuss peace over tea. The Maoists had other plans and the year saw encounters, bloodshed, as policemen, Maoists and mostly innocent people died in the crossfire.

On August 15 this year, on our Independence Day, the Maoists fired indiscriminately at a public function and killed a senior Congress MLA C. Narsi Reddy. And suddenly, Union home minister Shivraj Patil, who had allowed the CM to let the ban lapse, assured him all help in containing Naxal violence and approved reimposition of the ban.

Here's Andhra home minister Jana Reddy: "Maoists misused the opportunity, and resorted to mindless killings." You should have know better, Mr Reddy.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Modify this: Bloodbath okay, only if you allow us to make money

The BJP in Gujarat is in peculiar trouble. Narendra Modi is someone for whom the BJP has to apologise to the nation. And he is a blot on the party as the post-Godhra riots are on our recent history.

Former Chief Minister Keshu Patel is leading the pack of dissidents now ready to take on Modi. Trouble is Modi is a good administrator. I would take the risk of saying he is the best Indian states have got now. He is able; he has not been corrupted and keeps a close/tough watch on political and bureaucratic corruption. And people of the state are happy to see that. They are loving the fact that work gets done, with minimum fuss and palm-greasing. Something Keshu Patel can't count among his strengths. I had worked in that state during his regime, and I have had the opportunity to visit Gujarat under Modi's rule. Barring that horrendous 2002 blot and he cannot escape that responsibility, Modi has been responsible for many positive changes there.

He never had to pay for the 2002 riots. All of the party backed him; MLAs defended him or stayed mute. The bloodbath was okay for them and Modi was this leader who would reclaim the so called Hindu pride and revive the so called Garvi-Gujarat.

What he has to pay for now is a clean administration. Apparently his cleansing steps have meant politicians can't earn commission for every little project in their area. They will not share the spoils with bureaucrats.

We see the irony.

People's War? We need a war on War.

The honeymoon that never was between Maoists and the government in Andhra Pradesh is over. It's a weird sentence but weird things happen in this country. This blog has pointed it out more than once that the Andhra Pradesh government's move to declare a ceasefire in the war against People's War was misplaced.

The People's War consolidated while the government fumbled and mumbled. The red corridor has widened in the meanwhile. Now it looks like the Andhra politicians have been fooled.

A recent policy decision taken by the Indian governemnt says that India will not talk to terrorists who hijack planes. Instead, the hijacked plane would be shot down if the terrorists have some sinister ideas like crashing them into some building of importance.

What's People's War? It's a terrorist organisation. Ask the people living inside the red corridor. Even those who support War do it under duress. They have hijacked community development plans. They don't let us build roads or install means of communication. They collect taxes and run a parallel government. They feed off underdevelopment. They feed off poverty. The rapid pace of development of the 1990s and 2000s have not reached the people in the red corridor because Maoists don't want development.

You will say it's too simplistic and sweeping a statement, but sometimes it's the simplest that we don't take a look at. It's time we looked at the simple things and said no to terror, and terror doesn't always mean the marauders backed by the ISI. We have terrorists at home, the neighbourhood goonda included.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Rife is a four-letter word

Will Manmohan quit? Speculation is as they say rife that the man at the helm is too heckled to continue. The first Sikh Prime Minister of India cannot convince his party to take some action against those who directed mindless killing of Sikhs in 1984. It takes a Left to pressure the government into justifying the nomenclature of the ACTION TAKEN REPORT.
The Left made it easier for the head that wears the turban.

Riot wrong: Nothing happens to the big guys

The Central government has promised to probe Jagdish Tytler's role in the 1984 anti-Sikh riots." If you thought that's good news, read between the lines.

It's been 21 years since over 3,000 people were murdered on the streets of the capital of India while the government watched. And the government has promised to probe, every time a commission of inquiry has recommended so. And people get another commission. Or another inquiry.

The government has not promised to drop Jagdish Tytler from the Union ministry, a step essential to an impartial inquiry.

This is the story of all riots in India. The best the law does in punish some minions. Sixteen years after the Bhagalpur riots, some people were handed out life imprisonment. None of them of any consequential political clout. Even the then chief minister of the Congress party has accepted the fact that the Congress politicians were responsible for the riots that went on for weeks.

In Gujarat, the process has taken the same old road. Blame it on the puppets, while the powerful puppeteers are let off. In Mumbai, in Meerut, in wherever, it's the same story with a morale for the puppeteers: Nothing will happen.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Only guarantee is some people are gonna make a hell of a lot of money

Mrs Sonia Gandhi is pushing for the job guarantee scheme she promised in the Congress manifesto. Good thing. The scheme, if implemented properly, can make a difference to folks in the parts of rural India where many don't get two square meals. In theory, it's a great scheme. Unfortuantely that's not how it works in India. Rajiv Gandhi once famously said that 80 per cent of the funds meant for villages never reached them. Some 15,000 crore rupees will go into this new job guarantee scheme, you can do the maths! Here's what will happen, courtesy the Indian Express.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Golden mess

The ambitious Golden Quadrilateral Project has touched hearts of most regions and their people, but the people of Bihar.

First it was the infamous murder of Engineer Satyendra Dubey. Unfortunately, Dubey was murdered after he wrote a letter to the Prime Minister alleging the grip of mafia in the segment he was constructing the road. Unfortunately, because this gave a wrong turn to the debate that should have taken place then. He was murdered by criminals who robbed him before that. But then Opposition politicians created a ruckus over an unsubstantiated claim that he had been murdered by the mafia and over whether the Prime Minister’s Office leaked his letter of complaint.

And the debate on law and order never took place. A debate vis-à-vis how engineers (and doctors) find it impossible to work in Bihar, where most development projects fail to start or rarely complete. Engineers engaged in building infrastructure are regularly kidnapped and their employers and family are forced to pay huge ransom in return. These kidnapping syndicates mostly run under the patronage of politicians, many of whom are members of Parliament.

The result: in a world where world’s biggest companies contest to win a tender worth thousands of crores in any part of the country, there were no bidders for the National Highway projects in Bihar. Tenders were invited for a second time. And again, no one showed any interest. Now the government is planning to give the job to Bihar State Bridge Corporation, known for its snail’s pace and corruption. And its engineers too would be kidnapped, ransoms would be paid. And nothing will work again.

Everybody is treating symptoms. No one wants to get to the disease. It’s election time soon, so politicians aren’t saying a thing. They can’t for they depend on the crime syndicate bosses.

I am worried because I gotta go pay a visit to my native village. And roads I hear are in a bad shape. So will be my back once I am back. Or maybe I will skip that. This time.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Salacious, says Secular Tiwari

DEOGHAR, DAY 3: Laloo Yadav's party thinks the media's expose of the Sal-Ash-ious tapes is an attempt to demonise the minorities. Shivanand Tiwari, one of the few educated, eloquent in the Laloo party, sees a saffron agenda to "ferment a nationwide hatred campaign" by digging dirt against Salman and gangster politician Shahabuddin. Waah!

BY THE WAY: Laloo was here today to inaugurate a railway overbridge. It's not some new train or a new railway line. It takes a cabinet minister to open a bridge. And Laloo isn't the first one, ministers have opened tea stalls in our country. Anything for claiming the credit for India's development. Development? What development? In nearby Bhagalpur, people angered by hollow promises threw stones at Laloo's meeting.

Initial shock: Bihar repeats in Andhra

The flood relief scam in Bihar landed its architect Gautam Goswami behind bars. He had issued cheques in the name of BSSIC that should have gone to Bihar State Small-scale Industries Corporation, the suppliers of relief material. But the cheques went to another BSSIC, Baba Satya Sai Industries Corporation, spawned by crooks for swindling money.
In Andhra, the money was supposed to paid to VW India Ltd. (Volkswagen India Limited). But crooks had floated a Vashistha Vahan India to cash it.
God knows how many more such dubious accounts with doublemeaning initials operate in this country.
P.S. I'm reading God knows by Heller. Quite funny and uniquely so.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Madhur Bhandarkar stole my words

"I can’t believe it. When I got a call about this news I was shocked and numb," said Madhur Bhandarkar after he heard that his filmPage 3 had been won the National Award for the Best Film. Exactly my words. I am still shocked and numb. Apart from Konkona SenSharma, there was nothing in Page 3 worth watching for anyone above age 3.

And I can't believe Saif Ali Khan winning the Best Actor award for Hum Tum. I am not saying he was bad in the film, but an award-winning performace?

The National Film Awards have been losing it for quite some time. But after this year, any actor worth his facial muscles wouldn't be proud of the so-called prestigious award. Nor a director worth the hat should.

The National Film Awards are highly politicised, like any other government-awarded titles and awards. I will not be surprised to know Saif's mom Sharmila, crony to many senior Congress cronies, played a role. This is a hallmark of the Congress days.

Not that the BJP days were any better. Raveena Tandon, who campaigned for the BJP, lobbied for a National Award for Daman, which was by the way a decent film. Her maternal uncle, Mac Mohan, was one of the jury members that year. Now how did Mac Mohan went on to be a a jury member is another story. Mac Mohan is remembered for playing the villain's sidekick in Sholay. He is the Samba of "Arrey O Samba".

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Bol Bamm

The presiding deity of my hometown has a home on the web. Complete with online darshan and online puja. is pretty neatly designed.The city is called B. Deoghar. B stands for Baidyanathdham. People prefer the shorter Babadham. Click for an online trip to Deoghar. Alt: Baba On Wiki

Thursday, July 07, 2005

In the Lift

This photo was taken in the lift and posted before we touched the ground from 13th. I so love my blog-ready phone.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Blogging from mobile

Check. Check. Check.

The Annoying

Confession: I had Crazy Frog Axel F as my ringtone for a day. yes, I did succumb. And it was fun.


If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

For the next 15 days, keep children off news channels

The makeshift Ram temple on the disputed Ayodhya site has been attacked by a group of terrorists. All the terrorists have been killed. That however has resurrected curious creatures like Praveen Togadia. Children under 17 must watch news channels only when accompanied by a parent. Reason: Strong language, reference to violence, moral nudity, a lot of horror.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Rape and rule

Mulayam Singh says if the clerics at one Islamic school have given a direction it must be well thought out. Even if the direction means that a woman raped by her father-in-law has to marry the rapist because she is no longer halaal for her husband. The kids will go to the father. And when the rapist father-in-law and the raped woman have children, they will call their elder siblings nephews. What crooked interpretation of the Sharia!

The debate will go on and so will the interpretations. In this whole rigmarole of whose trophy Imrana becomes, no one is talking about the criminal aspect of the case. In India, the personal laws for Muslims are dealt under the Sharia, but rape is a criminal act. And has to be dealt by criminal laws. The father-in-law will remain the rest of his life in jail hopefully. This leaves the raped woman, Imrana, as nobody's wife, since she is haraam for her husband.

Headlines innocent, space-crunched sub-editors end up with. Just read:
Women's body spurns rape edict.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Jennifer Lopez is leaving Delhi

"There is no camp of Indian insurgents in our country. Though India government provided us a list of training camps of Indian insurgents being in existence in Bangladesh, we have conducted an investigation, but veracity of such claim was not proved," Outgoing Bangladesh Deputy High Commissioner Tauhid Hussain said.
He didn't add that he's Jennifer Lopez. Or did he mean there are camps of non-Indian terrorists, but not Indian insurgents. Come on, Tauhid da, even Britney Spears knows the kind of terror surge your country has seen of late. And you guys check it sooner, the better, if you don't want to end up like Afghanistan.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Deep Throat: What Felt felt after years of suspense

US media's best kept secret is out, says The Times of India and uses Nixon's photo and the caption says he's W. Mark Felt. The two Post reporters, Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward, have confirmed Felt was the source of the reports that brought down Nixon and gave US porn industry a whole new dimension. And while we are at it, The Enduring Vision has a hilarious piece on The Feltgate.

Upar Aasman, Neeche Paswan

This man is obsessed. In his zealous drive to drive Muslims away from Laloo Prasad and towards him, his little brain pops one idea after the other. Here's the latest: Paswan wants to open a Muslim univ in Bihar.

Anbumani lights up his own logic ciggie

The Indian Government has finally revealed why it did not allow sex in cinema: To promote family planning! Look, when people don't see sex on screen, they don't want it in their bedroom. And this brings down the country's population.

This is obviously not true, but going by the logic of India's Health and Family Planning Minister Anbumani Ramadoss, this could be.

Govt's Doctor plays The Cigarette Censor.

Now films on both the big screen and the small one will have a blur when the hero, the heroine or the villain lights up a cigarette. Our Health Minister Anbumani Ramadoss has been famous for being the Health Minister of AIIMS. So to prove he has also been working on the country's health, he has come up with this unique idea, the first in the world. Good luck, Mr Ramadoss.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Dutt Saab 1929-2005. But must we?

Shocked Bollywood mourns death of Sunil Dutt. I am an admirer of Dutt and his commitment-driven politics, loyalty (some may call his loyalty to a family misplaced but loyalty is a virtue nevertheless) and magnificent persona.

But as happens with all people who pass away, the obituaries exaggerate. Some now say he was a brilliant actor. Now that's certainly overstating things, in typical Bollywood style. He was a great human being and an honest politician, but when it came to acting, he was just about good. Pick his best films and see for yourself.

He had a great voice and very intense eyes, two essentials for anyone aspiring to be an actor. He also used them the best, but not enough to warrant allegations of being brilliant. Nope. Truth doesn't hurt.

Running with the left, hunting with the right

A Times of India report says One of Nepal's top Maoist leaders, Baburam Bhattarai, is being quietly chaperoned around here by Indian intelligence agencies, which recently organised a meeting between him and CPM general secretary Prakash Karat. Karat first confirmed, then understandably denied the meeting.

Is this the true face of the United Progressive Alliance? Home ministry officers host a Nepali Maoist leader, Prime Minister's Office and the External Affairs Ministry dealing with King, supplying him arms to counter the Maoists. Have we become the proverbial pimps in this case? Pimps try to ride both sides.

This is worrying because the Marxists supporting the government have done enough damage. The red corridor is flaming. They declared a ceasefire in Andhra against the Maoists, much to Bihar and Jharkhand's damage. A Red river now runs from China to near Tamil Nadu.

Does the home ministry realise that the parallel administration run by Maoists in Jharkhand will soon hold panchayat elections? It's being formalised. Nepal bleeds and Bihar burns. Jharkhand is brimming; Orissa, Chhattisgarh and even parts of Maharashtra face these lawless brigades day in and day out. Large parts of rural Andhra Pradesh are in their grip.

What message does the Bhattarai episode send to the masses in these trouble-torn parts?

A note for Paswan

Paswan's dilemma: Who to tie-up with from Expressindia.

The LJP leader claimed that his sacrifice for the sake of a Muslim Chief Minister would stand him in good stead in the polls "where RJD will bite the dust as it has always treated the minority community as bonded labour".

Paswan, who is preparing a document on why no government could be formed in Bihar and why the house had to be dissolved, quoted a famous line from Robert Browning "I have always been a fighter; let there be one more fight".

Miracles do happen. Mr Paswan, you may become a kingmaker or God willing king again. But please get some decent Muslim candidates since you are more minority-loving leader than Laloo. It's quite stupid to insist on a Muslim chief minister when you do not have a Muslim MLA. Of all the parties, the "communal" BJP has a Muslim MLA, you should be ashamed of such lurid lip service to Muslims.

But frankly speaking, Muslims do not want a Muslim chief minister, Muslims want education, equality, protection from minority-bashing, and above all prosperity. You have not shown Bihar your agenda for the desperately-needed progress. You, Laloo, Nitish and others still do not talk about end of criminal raj. You did not have MLAs with only criminal past but also criminal present. Many of them ditched you.

People like this blogger, who do not live in Bihar, have to often face this question: What's wrong with your Bihar? We do not have an answer. What we do know is that we have some really bad breed of politicians, as clueless as you.

Paswan said he could have easily bargained for the post of deputy Chief Minister for his brother Pashupati Paras, but he sacrificed it to press for a Muslim Chief Minister. "If I am to blame for my rigid stand, I stick to it," he said.

Your rigid stand cost Bihar an election. You could go to Nitish Kumar or you could go to Laloo Prasad for all we care. But you didn't need to let the state suffer another round of election, waste of money and blood. You are ready to share the bed with Laloo in Delhi, but in Bihar you play the upright, tight principled man. Have some principle, please.

Movies watched this week

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. Being a Star Wars fan, had a Darth good time. At PVR Gurgaon.
Malena. This one had been lying neglected in my collection for over a year. Was pleasantly surprised. It's pretty good.
The Motorcycle Diaries. The second time. Great stores are told like this.
Eurotrip. Guilty pleasure. Gives an entirely new perspective to the drama surrounding Pope John Paul's recent death.
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jaayenge. Had to watch it for I had to review it for DISC-ussion. Had watched in theatre twice in 1995.
The Incredibles. Nice. But wouldn't have watched if not needed for my column purposes.

Six in a week. Not bad. Not bad. Pat pat. I am getting back to the good old days.
My movie watching week starts on Thursday.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Farce of the Weak

Jo Bole So Nihaal is such a bad film it wouldn’t have run in many theatres beyond this week. It could manage to draw marginal crowds for a couple of weeks only because of the controversies surrounding it. Now the film has been withdrawn from most cinemas across the country. The reason: a bomb blast in once cinema hall in Delhi showing this film. The other blast occurred in a multiplex, playing at least four different films at that time, Jo Bole… was just one of them.

Even the police do not blame the explosions on this film. Some Sikh religious bodies, angry at some scenes in the film, did protest against it. Some suggested cuts, which were agreed to. But no one with a semblance of sanity would believe that the explosions were a result of that. It’s a lunatic fringe that does such things. They are in every religion.

Though Rahul Rawail’s Jo Bole… is no work of art. I am all for his right to tell his story on screen and off it. Loonies don’t like freedom of expression. Bajrang Dal attacks M.F. Husain for one painting. Vishwa Hindu Parishad makes sure Meera Nair can’t film her Water. Some Muslims insist that a certain Salman Rushdie book is banned. And what do we do? We give in every time. That makes them stronger. They start believing they can suppress what they don’t approve of.

There is another lousy horror film getting off the projector because of lack of audience. It’s called Naina. An organisation of eye specialists in the country petitioned in a court that the film be stopped because it didn’t show the reality about vision. And now suppose, there is a blast in cinema hall showing Naina. Shall we blame the doctors? Should the film be withdrawn?

“Jaao aur jaakar Gabbar se keh dena, Ramgarh waalon ne kutton ke saamne roti rakhna band kar diya hai,” Thakur tells Gabbar’s henchmen Kaaliya and gang in Sholay. That was Thakur’s way of saying: “Enough is enough. We will not give in to this extortion.”

It's time we gathered some mass in our spine and said: EFF O, you lousy lunatics.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Who's on the monkey's side? We are!

A story. A monkey has landed in a village and some people are chasing the simian for bringing havoc to their tiled roofs. The monkey gets on a tree. People surround the tree and start pelting stones. And then the quintessential Indian arrives at the scene and says, "What's the problem?" A villager says, "This monkey has ruined my house." And the rest say, "And we want to teach him a lesson so that he never comes this side." The Quintessential Indian: "Who's on the monkey's side?" His question is greeted with a silence. "No one? Then I am." says the lone ranger.

We have it in us. We always side with the victim, the one we perceive to be the victim at any given time. I remember a large number of Indian being on Saddam Hussein's side because he looked like a victim. Many of us hate the United States because it's military power seldom allows it to look like a victim. Even after 9/11.

And that trait influences our voting too. M.J. Akbar argues it beautifully in his Byline this week. Click here to read the Byline titled Victimorious.

It's Monday and It's Happening

RamVilas doesn't Pass-wan
Utter failure of dogs. This phrase is a literal translation of Hindi’s Kutte fail ho gaye, which is what happens when your cloak lies in shatters and your vulnerabilities are exposed. Mr Ramvilas Paswan is faced with a situation where his dogs have failed. Bihar has finally gone to where it was months ago. His party is breaking into pieces. The kingmaker stands on the verge of becoming a political pauper.

Abort, Retry, Fail, Re-Buta
Just before it was becoming clear that Bihar might see a government, the Assembly has been dissolved. Sonia Gandhi is comfortably getting into her illustrious mother-in-law’s shoes, but it’s not a complemint in this case. She got a minority government installed in Jharkhand, which was given ridiculous period of time to prove majority. It couldn’t. She let the NDA come to power, reluctantly.
Another governor in Goa removed a BJP government and installed Congress’ own. They however couldn’t prove a majority. That state too is going for an election.

La la loo la la la
Laloo Yadav is a happy man. Ramvilas Paswan lies bruised and battle-weary. NDA couldn’t form a government in Bihar. He’s in power at the Centre and Bihar is going for another election. His unprecedented attack on the Election Commission has made it clear that he can go to any extent and that the commission better keep him in good humour. It’s unlikely that he can influence the commission, but he certainly is in a position to influence the administration in the state.

Jo dikhaye so behaal
Priya Village Roadshow's Ajjay Bijli says the security in Delhi cinemas is strict to the point of being irritating. At his cinemas, all of us have to go for a body search before we are allowed entry. It's the same with most cinemas across the city. You are frisked like you are entering a high-security zone. But we don't mind because it makes us feel safe. I recently went to Satyam and the experience was no different.

I am sure those who went in yesterday night were feeling a sense of security after they were subjected to frisking. People surrender cigarette packs, water bottles, cameras, et al. But someone smuggled a bomb in. And it rocked the cinema, minutes after another cinema hall saw a powerful explosion. That sense of security has suffered a collateral damage. After years, I would have to look under my seat for "bombs". The person sitting next to me may be a terrorist. That's what terrorists do. They don't kill as much as they terrorise. They want us to live in fear of the bomb. Shall we be afraid? I say no.

So not Sanghvi. So Natwar.
On Sundays, one of the first things I read is Vir Sanghvi's Counterpoint in the Hindustan Times . He has got style and facility, his reasoning is hard to beat and he calls a spade a spade. So the Sunday before last, I wondered what made him sing paeans for Kunwar Natwar Singh, our minister for external affairs. He did give reasons but none of them were strong enough, not a patch on the ones Sanghvi offers when he makes a point.

Besides, Vir Sanghvi doesn't need to suck up to some one, least of all the old geezer from Bharatpur. I wonder why Sanghvi would do that. The India Today magazine conducted a survey recently and rated the ministers. Mr Singh came tenth with less than 50 per cent approval rating. Mr Sanghvi’s own Hindustan Times and C-Fore did a survey that rated ministers, Mr Singh didn’t figure in the first four. But Sanghvi’s Counterpoint made him look like he’s the best Manmohan Singh’s got in his Cabinet. How can Vir Sanghvi get it wrong?

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Are these Muftis serious or just muft ka public ko bewaqoof bana rahe?

Suicide attacks are un-Islamic, unless it's in Israel or India. Waah. A PTI report from Islamabad:

Islamabad, May 17: Muslim clerics in Pakistan today issued a decree declaring as "un-Islamic" suicide attacks in public places in an Islamic country but kept Kashmir out of its purview.

The clerics, who gathered in Lahore, said those who believe that suicide attacks are meant to earn blessings would be considered out of Islam.

However, 58 clerics from different schools of thought, said the decree does not apply to Palestinian and Kashmiri Muslims.

The decree was issued at a press conference by Mufti Muneeb-ur-Rehman, who heads an officials moon sighting body and the government-run federal Press Information Department.

He said murder of a non-Muslim is also prohibited if he comes to a Muslim state with permission as "Islam calls for protection of non-Muslims".

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Are we really that sick?

Another sensational rape, and a series of stories and scathing attack on the police, who this time could have caught the criminals, but didn't really wake up to it. Residents of Delhi have accepted the fact that this city is not safe for women, especially after the sun goes down. OK.

What angers me most is the reaction from a large part of the population that wants girls to behave. This sickens me. They do this in good faith not knowing that they inadvertently transfer the blame on the victim.

Sample some of the reactions. Why did they step out of home at 2 am? These days, girls wear shorts and short skirts and move out. They openly hug and kiss boys.

Basically women invite rape, huh?

One friend, who's otherwise a very sane, secular and accommodative man, went on to say that many girls from Northeast have been found soliciting in that area and that this too may be borne out of confusion (Read: the rapists thought the girls were out to have fun). How sad! I felt like hitting him but just told him to shut his trap.

Because I know he's not saying it with any malice. It's the prejudice he's been fed for ages and his totally isolated experiences compounded by maybe limited knowledge.

Are we getting weirder? Or just Shiv Sena has an increasing vote bank in Delhi.

Recently, a policeman raped a student in Mumbai, and some politicians went on record saying girls must not wear “provocative” clothes.

Rapists don’t choose their targets based on what she is wearing. So morons, shut your traps.

Laloo hits at the heart

Adamant Laloo meets Manmohan, demands resignation of ECs. I am reacting late to this. I was waiting for it to unfold. I wanted to see how the UPA leaders like Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh reacted. Because it is they who have to assess the consequences of letting Laloo have a free run in Delhi. And the danger is clear and present.

Laloo Prasad has brought his brand of blunt and blatantly ugly politics, which nearly demolished a state's polity and institutions, to Delhi. The ruffian ruckus-is-better-than-rules politics has shifted to the heart of India from the Bhojpuri heartland.

In that kind of politics, institutions get little respect, muscle gets all. That brand of politics abhors institutions and seeks to systematically destroy them because they cannot stay together.
Now that he is a central minister, the monster is right in the heart of India. We all know the merits of the L.V. Saptharishi episode. And how he abused the Election Commission in a letter meant for the law minister and handed it over to the railway minister.

I really do not know how the two Election Commissioners behaved or what they said to Saptharishi to warrant these wild allegations, but the Laloo Brand of Politics does threaten to sully the institution, admired not just here but across the world for organising the world's biggest election in a democracy that has politicians like Laloo Prasad Yadav. Also read. Laloo on Rampage.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

A380: Applause and Best of Luck!

World's largest passenger jet takes off! A historic day in aviation since the Concorde took off in its maiden flight in 1969.

I am fascinated by aircraft. I guess it has something to do with the human desire to fly. Flying translates into freedom. A bird is on the ground pecking at things as people pass by. The moment one comes too close for comfort, it flies away. About hundred and one years ago, the Wright brothers made it possible for humans to leave the ground and since then humans have taken giant leaps into the art and science of aviation.

But every time I board a plane, there's slight fear of being in a space not natural to us humans. It makes us weaker. Birds fly away because they feel safe in the air. A turtle will jump into the water if it feels threatened on the ground. A wild animal will rush into the jungle if it feels unsafe in the open plains. We all are the strongest in our habitat. The home ground.

Every time I fly, there's this flutter in my heart, a small doubt in the back of mind, an unknown itch. A question: What if...?

Hence the Concorde reference in the second line. Concorde remains one of the most beautiful, pardon the nose, man-made creations that flew in the sky. It carried passengers on supersonic flights across the Atlantic. It became a legend, and a status symbol. And then... it lies in museums. Just 20 were built. Half of them operated. One deadly fire and it was all over. Humans realised they are human after all. Once you leave the ground, you are weaker. You can't take chances.

And that brings me to the viability of the double-decker A380. The fact that it can carry so many passengers (550 to 800) is both its strength and weakness. Let us all hope and pray for the success of the jumbo endeavour. Because in the air, all you can do is pray.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Condom condemned

Indians use 75 per cent of the condoms manufactured here to make saris, toys and bathroom slippers. Only 25 per cent is used to not make more Indians.

The condoms are valuable to manufacturers because of the lubricant on them. Sari weavers place the condoms on their thread spools and the lubricant on the prophylactics is rubbed off on the thread, making it move faster through their sewing machines, the Economic Times quoted an Indian industry official as saying.

Sari makers also turn the condom's inside out, place them on their fingers and use the high-quality lubricant to polish gold and silver threads used in the traditional Indian women's outfits.

India manufactures more than 1 billion condoms annually to check population growth and curb the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Sheila is in trouble, only Sonia can save her. But will Sonia?

Sheila Dikshit is going through a crisis. Attendance at CM's: 22/47. A PTI report says Delhi Congress president Rambabu Sharma today met central leaders Moti Lal Vora and Janardan Dwiwedi and is understood to have demanded "action" against her in the wake of her walkout from a party meeting. Party Lok Sabha Member of Parliament from New Delhi constituency Ajay Maken, once Dikshit's blue-eyed boy, was also present during the meetings Sharma had separately with the two central Congress leaders.

It's getting too hot to handle for the chief minister. This blog had the weather forecast for Sheila the day Rambabu became the local party chief.
Read it here.

Guess who blinked first?

Secular-Right India: Gyanendra, Almost Ready To Blink. And here's what is happening: First our Foreign Minister Natwar Singh met Gyanendra and now the PM has met him. PM meets Gyanendra.

Instead of the mindgames, India should have woken up to the Nepal threat early. We must crush the Maoists in Nepal, if Nepal can't. Because any trouble in the Himalayan Kingdom affects India and its interests. The Maoists have built a Red corridor from China to Tamil Nadu via Nepal, Bihar, Jharkhand and Andhra Pradesh. They kill at will in the areas they control.

They have been running a parallel administration in large parts of the country, while the city-dwelling politicians debate how to deal with them. With a clear lack of unity and resolve. Andhra declares a ceasefire, Maharashtra goes on the offensive, there's a war on in Jharkhand while Bihar had always had thousand wars on.

A bleeding Nepal is the last thing India can afford now.

India is accused to throw the big-brother weight around in the region even when Bangladesh Rifles jawans mutilate our soldiers. First the infmaous Pirduwa when 16 BSF jawans were doled out deaths that didn't have the dignity that a soldier deserves. And now BSF officer Jeewan Kumar snatched under the cover of a flag meeting.

India keeps silent to keep peace, but at what cost? Bangladesh is turning into Afghanistan. Even Pakistan woke up to the reality of Afghanistan. Will India wake up?

Monday, April 11, 2005

I have less wrinkles than Camilla: Charles*

"The one my forehead aren't wrinkles, idiot"

The newly-wed Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles have said that the bride has more wrinkles than the prince does.

"It's such a wonderful experience. We are discovering each other. Those grooves on my face aren't wrinkles actually, they are my permanent frowns. But all thanks to Andrew Parker Bowels, she has been a constant source of smile. Now that we are intimate enough, we have been counting them and can say we have the result," the Prince told a packed house at Crathie in Scotland's Aberdeenshire, where they came for their honeymoon.

Asked what else they have discovered in the first days of their marriage, Camilla said, "As soon as we finished with the wrinkles, he had to see a physio and I had to go for my heart specialist. At this age, there's not much we can do, you understand."

"It's not that I hadn't seen her like that, you know, like that. But we never had a relaxed time. Now that we are legally married, I am not ashamed of doing all that I wanted to do to her and with her," the prince added.

The Prince married his lover of 35 years on April 9, in a ceremony attended by many Britons who vowed to not call her a horse now that she's royalty.

The Prince was happy at the British people's gesture, "It's nice to know that she'll no longer be called a horse. I love horses, though."

*Tastes best with a pinch of salt.

I killed the terrorist, he belongs to me

Villager keeps terrorist's body as souvenir. Fair enough.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Another one for famous last words

This man has no idea that the generals under him might overthrow him and worse, hang him. No more military coups: Musharraf. History repeats itself, Perv. That's why we are told not to do wrong. Because wrong begets wrong, sooner or later.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Who will save Zimbabwe?

The Monster

It doesn't matter if they burn in hellfire or dance with the fairies in heaven. In fact even while they are alive, their actions don't make any difference to my life or neighbourhood.

But I still nurse hatred for them that borders on extremism. Mr Robert Gabriel Mugabe of Zimbabwe is no bum like Libya's Gaddafi, he's not a buffoon like our own Laloo. In fact, I do not know who to liken him with, for he's kinda unique in this world.

During my school days I remember people spoke of him with a respect that a few leaders like Mandela deserve. This man was a statesman. He was the symbol of freedom and Black self-rule in Zimbabwe, after the White rule ended in then Rhodesia.

Then he turned into a bum. Throwing tantrums at international meetings, developing quirks not associated with statesmen and outraged many by marrying a woman 40 years his junior. But the world didn't care what he did in his country and his personal life didn't affect anybody but him. His Zanu PF won one election after the other and the world didn't as much blinked.

But then he and his party terrorised the 75,000 or so whites out of the country. The Blacks who didn't support the establishment began to die one by one. And by 2005 he's become a monster that threatens the collective lives of his own countrymen, dying for lack of food and medicine. He’s Zimbabwe’s Saddam.

But Zimbabwe doesn't sit on oil like Iraq. So do not expect that so called saviour of freedom US of A intervening in the poor African nation.

Recommended Read: Gretchen L. Wilson's Dispatches From Zimbabwe.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Found: Reason why Bush misjudged Iraq situation

Study finds Americans are so sleep-deprived, they're making mitsakes at work; prefer sleep to sex; are too tired to remember the third thing. Over to ABC News: Poll: Most American Adults Sleep Poorly

Canada owes us an apology

There’s a new Celine Dion perfume. They are calling it “Belong” and not “Eau de No-Talent, Horse-Faced, Has-Been Singer” as a farker suggested. Celine Dion is Canadian. She shot to fame even in small town India because of that horribly sugary Titanic song that could trigger a diabetes epidemic among middle-aged men across the world. Canada has not apologised for her songs or these recent scents.

“In Belong, Celine reveals a little bit more of the woman Coty has come to know behind the scenes,” Eric Thoreux, president, Coty Beauty Americas, said in a recent statement.

“The new fragrance reflects where Celine is right now in her life—enjoying her family when she is out of the spotlight. Dion was involved in every aspect of the development of “Belong”, which has a modern floral Oriental scent, including the design of the bottle, a pentagon shape that represents her lucky number five.

Should Canada apologise? If it decides to how about killing two birds with one stone? Include Bryan Adams too.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The bum does it again

The Colonel with one of his female bodyguards.
(Photo courtesy: AFP © AgenceFrancePresse)

Moammer Gaddafi of Libya is the kind of schmuck I would love to meet some day. Only to ask, how does he manage to look like what he looks like, a schmuck.

When God lines up the worst folks from the planet for rounds of lashes, the mighty pair of Moammer will be on the line for sure, and he deserves about a thousand just for wearing that ugly pair of sunglasses in a summit meeting.

The Army captain toppled King Idris in the summer of 1969 and since then neither Libyans and nor the rest of us here have managed to push him to the back of our minds for this guy pulls one stunt or the other to demand a piece of history being written.

Here’s the latest. At the ongoing Arab League Summit, he was smoking while important speeches by heads of states were on.

“As Tunisian President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali opened the summit with an address at the podium, Gaddafi — dressed in flowing white robes — asked an aide for a cigarette and lit up. He smiled broadly and puffed away as photographers took pictures,” CBS reported.

At last year's summit in Tunis, Gaddafi pulled the same stunt, smoking a cigarette on the conference floor, a violation of the Arab League protocol. Asked later why he did it, he replied, "I am disgusted. It's because of what's going on in reality."

He walked out of the 2003 Summit, angered by its refusal to take up his prominently preposterous proposal for a single Palestinian-Israeli state called "Isratine."

He basically hates Arab League, so this is a very mild form of the legendary things he does to peoples he hates. The BBC profile lists some of 'em:

  • He sent his army into Chad way back in 1985, although with characteristic nerve he has never admitted to it. US severed its relations with Libya in January 1986.
  • Britain had already done that after he got Libyans attacked in central London in 1984. One innocent policewoman lost her life.
  • Libya is a poor Arab country on the Dark Continent, because Gaddafi has squandered the oil-rich Libyan money in things he indulges in like designer clothes, designer shoes, designer shades and terrorism.
  • Americans had bombed Tripoli, the capital, to kill him for being such an ass, but he survived. His daughter was among the 101 dead.
  • Soon after the bombing, a ship was stopped by French police and found to be carrying arms from Libya for the IRA.
  • Libya, it is largely understood, ordered the Lockerbie bombing in 1988, when a Pan Am plane was brought down over Scotland.

But last year he paid off the victims’ families and bought peace with America and UK.

He is now the lovable bum of international politics, who thinks he’s not given enough importance by Arab League, even if you keep the rest of the world aside.

People would love to hate some quirky old man in chic shades, accompanied by a phalanx of gun-toting female bodyguards. Yes, he feels insecure surrounded by male bodyguards in a country where most women stay behind the four walls of their husband’s house.