EverReady's Letter to Honourable Madam

Honourable madamji

How are you? Please tell me how I am doing fine. I am hoping that you are happy with my functioning in the Misnformation and Narrowcasting ministry. Madam, I do not get much to do but whenever I find some work, I make sure that it's informed and is broadcast.

I would like you to look at some decisions that I have taken in the recent times.

• Anupam Kher is no longer the Censor Board chief. Sharmila Tagore, from our party, has been adjusted in his place. Kher, madam, was appointed by the BJP government. He may not be a politician but keeping in the tradition of sacking governors, I sacked him.

• Madam, Prakash Jha's film Lok Nayak will not be passed by the censor board. Words like Emergency and excesses were found in the film, so we decided to not let him show. Anyway the film was commissioned during the BJP government time. Dear madam, I have already offered my apologies for being a Jaiprakash Narayan prodigy. Madam, if you want I can apologise for my own self. But madam, I will not let anyone show Indira Gandhi as dictator. Could you please control Rahul Baba from accepting that excesses did happen during Emergency. Madam I have another solution. Should we remove references to Indiraji and let those against Sanjay Gandhi be shown. If Varun baba is joining us then we should snip the whole picture only.

• Madam, Doordarshan has already invested more than Rs 160 crore on its DTH (direct to home) project. This was also cleared by the BJP government, so I am not allowing it. How can Doordarshan reach direct to people's homes? I also prevented that other DTH system from showing Doordarshan cricket matches. Madam if you want I will allow it.

Madam taking decisions is a smart thing, but not taking decisions is smarter. And you know I am not only smart, but also smarter. But you are the smartest. Anyway, I would love if you look at just a couple of decisions I have not taken.

• Radio guys want to share profit, because they say licence fee is too much money. But I have decided to not take a decision. And I will not allow radio stations of foreign origin from foreign countries to operate from this country. BBC can broadcast from Bangladesh. Who wants their licence fee? But our people, you know how they are, are still listening to BBC radio on short wave and medium wave. They also watch BBC TV. What goes my father?

• Madam I am also ensuring that no decision is taken on CAS. This CAS was introduced during the BJP government, madam. People are watching TV and having a good time. The cablewalla is extorting money from them. What goes my father?

Best of my regards and Reddy to dispose anything you propose, madam.

Yours obediently

Jayphal EverReady

PS: I have been really worried about two things madam. The two remaining people installed during the BJP regime. The President and the vice-president. What should we do about them? No need to say we will go ahead and do whatever we think would please you, before you even say it.