Wednesday, November 30, 2005

DEJA VU... in which U stands for Uma, the walking disaster

BJP has done it. Again. After Uma did it again. The rebel without a pause is a rebel with a showcause today. So will the sanyasin go on a sanyas finally. Knowing her, she won't. And knowing BJP, they won't let her. She will again walk out and go walking to Ayodhya. And be a walking disaster for the BJP. And BJP will again showcause her. And she will again say sorry. And everybody will say she's fine.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Random thoughts on a Monday morning

Some Indian experts have been fuming at Nepal King Gyanendra's crackdown on a privately-owned radio station. Radio Sagarmatha was ordered to shut down after it broadcast an interview with Maoist leader Prachanda.

While it must be said that the King's gagging of the media in Nepal is deplorable, we Indians do not have the moral right to question Nepal.

India has not allowed private radio stations to broadcast news even in the age of satellite revolution. News on radio continues to be the government monopoly and only the All India Radio, the government's mouthpiece, is allowed to broadcast news.

Indians, including the Indian government, are also angry that the King is not restoring democracy in the country as he promised when he took over the executive powers.

India, US and UK have joined hands in pushing the King to the wall, and that wall is the Great Wall of China. Imagine Maoist China helping the King in his war against the Maoists! Ok you don't need to imagine it... the first large consignment of arms arrived in Nepal last week.

While it should be natural for India, who is battling a Maoist insurgence in large parts of her land, to help Nepal.

India has to realise the fact that free-for-all democracy will lead Nepal to be overwhelmed by the Moists. Democracy is imortant but if democracy leads to democracy's death, what use is that democracy?

Nepal is on the brink. It needs India's help in crushing the rebellion. Democracy can come later.


Angelina Jolie has been touring the quake-affected areas of Pakistan. And millions of hearts in the not-affected are trembling with a wicked wish: God give us an earthquake too.

Raj Thackeray has brought Shiv Sena to the breaking point. He, who has modelled himself on Shiv Sena chief Bal Thackeray, is distraught that Bal chose his baalak Uddhav over him to lead the party. Raj looks like Thackeray, wears Thackeray style glasses, dresses like him, talks like him, draws cartoons like him, believes in non-violent politics like him... Still uncle chooses his own son. That has pissed him.

Rising sons have set many a father's sun in our country.

Devi Lal's boat was rocked by his son Chautala, whose sons sank Chautala's boat.

Natwar Singh is drowning in oil because his son has dragged him into the mess.

Sanjay Gandhi brought Indira Gandhi to the ground. She had to go to jail because he took the country for a rough ride.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Crack case: Man arrested for selling flour

Man arrested for selling fake crack. Kya zamaana aa gaya hai! A man was jailed late Friday on felony charges of selling cooked flour as crack cocaine. John Lemarcus McLaurin, 23, was charged with possession with intent to sell or deliver counterfeit controlled substances. If you sell cocaine, you get jail. If you don't, you still get jail. This can happen only in America.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Make babies, not love

K.S. Sudarshan of the Rashtriya Sanghasevak Sangh hit the headlines today with another outlandish comment: Hindus must procreate at a faster rate to keep up with the Muslim rate of population growth. He says Christians and Muslims are growing at a percentage that has reduced Hindus to a minority in many parts of the country. His fears are based on true census figures.

His solution: A Hindu couple must have at least three children. He would be happy of every couple has over a dozen.

Sudarshan is a bachelor, like other big Sangh leaders. All pracharaks have to practise celibacy as a rule. The exceptions are kept hush-hush.

He and his organisation have always called sex a dirty thing and a corrupting influence of the West. Don't kiss and caress and hold hands. Don't make love, make babies.

They discourage recreation, encourage procreation. His shares his initials with a famous condom, a latex contraption that prevents procreation, boosts recreation. That latex derives its name from a famous treatise by Vatsyayana, a saint who told Indians how to bring recreation into the act then performed only for procreation since creation.

Kitne Aadmi bache? Bas ek, Sardar

Kitne Aadmi the? Teen, Sardar. Par ab ek hi bacha hai. Breaking News on TV says S. Jaipal Reddy is gone. Natwar went last week. Shivraj Patil is lonely now, the one from my list of three still holding on to the job.
Reddy, a member of the former socialist brigade who swam up floating on anti-Congress planks, hopped on to the Congress boat and beat old Congressis in the game of kissing the ground their leader didn't even walk on. And S. Jaipal Ever-Ready was made a minister for information and broadcasting. The information industry is one of the fastest growing sectors and is called the industry of the future. But with Jaipal at the helm, ahem, its wheels got stuck.
We hope Priya Ranjan Das Munshi, the new man in, manages to catch up on the lost time.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Nutswar Singh

India was to be one of the sponsors of a UN resolution to declare January 27 as a memorial day for victims of the Holocaust.

Natwar Singh, just before he stepped down, prevented that from happening to prove to the Leftists that he was he was not pro-Israel or Pro-US. And since he saw the Volcker report as an American conspiracy against his political career.

The result: On November 1, when the resolution was adopted India stood with countries like Venezuela, Indonesia, and Egypt.

India representative stood with Egyptian represenative who demanded a memorial day "for Muslims too" and the Venezuelan one who wanted a memorial day for "victims of the systematic genocide by America around the world."

Did Natwar discuss this with the PM before taking a random anti-American stand? Looks like he took the Left in confidence.

Babuji, zara Gaur pharmayen

Politicians and their paramours are gist for the rumour mills but they rarely get space in the mainstream media. And after a long time, Madhya Pradesh Chief Minister Babulal Gaur's escapades have found their way in into the media shy of bringing very personal issues of politicians to public. But this one didn't need to. As Gaur's alleged mistress washed her dirty linen in public.

Shagufta Kabir heads the state's Panch Ja project and has a Minister of State rank. She is a BJP councillor otherwise. Gaur, campaigning in her ward, made BJP's most famous secular quote: "Why can't Hindus and Muslims share the fruits of progress in peace?"

In August, at a press conference organised by Mahila Utpidan Virodhi Morcha's Vijeyta Pathak, her husband Salim had accused her of beating him up and breaking his bones.

He also accused Babu Lal Gaur of seducing his wife. And her sister Sameena. He said he used to call his wife up and make kissing sounds. He also claimed to have overheard Gaur saying I Love You to Shagufta on phone.

In August, Shagufta had said She's 33 and Gaur is 75 and like her father. "Main Ishq karoongi to us se, jiske munh mein daant nahi, pet mein aant nahin".

Her husband says Shagufta's 45. She insists she is 33.

On Monday, she was supposed to address a press conference organised by Mahila Utpidan Virodhi Morcha's Vijeyta Pathak, but didn't turn up. Pathak said she must have been kidnapped by Gaur's gurgas.

On Tuesday, at a press conference organised by Mahila Utpidan Virodhi Morcha's Vijeyta Pathak, Shagufta said Babu Lal had sought sexual favours from her in return for his political favours. And that he did make the kissing sounds and he did say I love you over the phone.

But before she could say much, Samina came to the press conference and said: STOP OR I WILL STRANGLE MYSELF WITH THIS DUPATTA.

Shagufta paused.


Shagufta stopped.

They both were rushing to the hospital, they said.

Pathak too rushed to the hospital, in her bid to revive the press conference. She couldn't find the sisters or the ailing mother.

Reacting to all this husband Salim said:

"Samina spoils the press conferences. She spoiled my press conferences in Bhopal and even in Delhi. She always spoils the press conferences."

We are waiting for Babulal Gaur's next press conference. If Uma Bharti doesn't spoil that, Samina or Shagufta would.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Kitne Aadmi The? Do Sardar.

Natwar is gone. The other man I always thought was a misfit is Shivraj Patil. Kitne aadmi the and Andhra back to square one. He's the Union home minister, the man responsible for internal security of this country. But he too has been living in a time warp.

And look what he has gifted us. By letting the murderous Maoist marauders lord over a large part of India by playing softball with them, Patil has made these guys regroup, consolidate and become more dangerous for the country. The boom generally experienced in Indian economy has not touched life in the Red Corridor of India.

Poverty and lack of development suit the Maoist agenda. They, on the face of it, fight for the poor. So they need poor people to stay poor, so that they can fight for them. I'm not saying that poverty would disappear overnight if the Maoists weren't there. But I firmly believe is that their situation will improve dramatically if they were allowed to join the mainstream.

Maoists do not want roads because roads make it easier for the law to chase them. Roads also make it easier for market capitalism to go deep in the countryside. So they attack road contractors. They collect taxes to arm themselves. They kill policemen and snatch their arms. In some places, they run a parallel government.

The Central government knows that. Shivraj Patil knew that when he came into power. But then power came into him. And he chose to ignore all the signs that scream: Dear India, Maoist terrorism is bigger than Kashmir terrorism. But Shivraj opted for soft, silky road to peace. In Kashmir. In the Red corridor: Running from Nepal to Tamil Nadu. The result is: more bloodshed.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Wakaw goes out, fuming

I've been really busy while the Volcker-Natwar drama played out in the last week. It was part of the reason I was busy and mostly kept off the net.
I wanted to say so much but didn't have to as the media gave it all the possible spins...

Today, when Natwar has just been kicked out... I feel vindicated. After he went berserk against the US over the Volcker affair, Natwar is out of sync. He is senile and has two left feet mostly in his mouth... I had said that soon after he became the minister for external affairs... This man was unfit to hold a sensitive post like that of India's foreign minister. Four samples. Wakaw I. Wakaw II. Wakaw III. Wakaw IV.