Friday, April 06, 2007

Thakur will stay his caste course

NEW DELHI: Union Human Resources Development Minister Arjun Singh, like his idols US President George Bush, minister colleague Pyaar Dasmunshi and partybee Lindsay Lohan, is determined to stay the course. And he doesn’t need a poodle to back him in his war on error-ism. He will not rest until the errors of the past are corrected. A lot of people had enjoyed the fruits of wealth and health at the cost of those people who belonged to the lower castes in the Indian caste system. Mr Singh has always believed it was time those caste errors were corrected. Correcting religious errors will still be the responsibility of the BJP and its allies and various Muslim leagues.
He has repeatedly said that his ministry would find ways to circumvent the Supreme Court stay on reservations in IITs, IIMs other institutions of higher learning. While the country has moved forward quite a lot since 1931, he has decided to not budge from his position. In 1931, most of India was backward and he was royalty.
The Thakur was just a year old when the last caste census was done, which determined 52 per cent of Indians were backward castes but not as backward as dalits. They were called the other backward castes. The Supreme Court wants a new census. But Mr Singh believes it is 1931.
"He needs to be remembered for his contribution to the Indian society. Everything else is temporary. You can build an institution in this country, but in some years, the institution goes down the drain. On the other hand, reservation is permanent. It never fades away," said political analyst Ganganath Ganguly, pointing out that reservation for Scheduled Castes and Tribes was also meant to be reviewed every 10 years. "This way he seeks to eternalise his legacy, just like the caste system. Centuries of progress but the system stays."
Many in the Youth for Equality campaign, who opposed his war on error-ism when it began a couple of years ago have grown increasingly impatient with its progress, fearing that our country is stuck between a rock and a soft place.
"What’s there to choose between reservation and superior caste status," asked one survey correspondent. "We ought to admit that going without these jobs is actually making the world less competitive. We should be cutting our competition, not our caste lines."
But does his popularity among the Youth for Equality bother him? According to the latest CDAC/D-FORE/CDSS poll, Youth for Equality’s support for Singh’s war on error-ism is at an all-time high, five per cent.
"Thakur Arjun Singh is his own person," said his cook, Anmolbabu Chandrahaas. "Arjun Singh ji is not going to abandon his principles just because they might be popular at the moment."
Chandrahaas may not be so far from the truth. Arjun Singh is his own person, since he declared independence. It was on the day he joined the Cabinet of his junior political colleague, Manmohan Singh. His mind and then the body followed him by declaring their independence. According to experts, his body doesn’t follow him, so he works out of home. His mind likes the out-of-body experience. When asked about the war on error-ism, his mind says: To err is human, to forgive divine but it takes Arjun Singh or Bajrang Dal to attempt correcting errors made by humans, thousands or hundreds of years ago as the case may be.
— Postcards from the Pug Pus, with due apologies to Postcards from the Pug Bus

Sachin’s bat announces retirement

Port-of-Spain: Sachin Tendulkar’s bat has announced its retirement from active cricket, following similar announcement by bats of M.S. Dhoni, Rahul Dravid and Virender Sehwag. Cricket world was aflutter with speculation that Sourav’s bat might do the same, for a second time. Since most cricketers tell reporters that "my bat will do the talking", their bats finally did some talking on Tuesday, hours before the Indian team left the Caribbean.

Sachin’s bat said it was ashamed to have let down a billion people and blasted the master blaster for not putting him to good use. "A bat is just a piece of willow, if you ain’t got balls. And I am sorry to say, he had none in the last game that we handed over to Sri Lanka. I mean the first sign of a ball hits my inside edge. How pathetic is that!" he told a crowded press conference, outside Queen’s Park Oval in Port-of-Spain, Trinidad.

The bat has decided to stay back in Trinidad. "I will be here enjoying the sun and the sands. I got no restaurants to run and no commercials to make. I am sure the stickers that I am pasted with will come off after this shameful defeat."

Dhoni’s bat said its career was ending prematurely, but denied any role in the premature capitulation by Dhoni. "It was his and only his fault. It doesn’t matter how big a rope you got unless you know how to dangle it. This guy can’t delay gratification. It’s such a teenage thing, you know. You are all macho, with long hair and stuff. And how long do you last in the crease? One minute? Enough is enough."

Dravid’s bat denied any rift with the player and said the separation was mutual. "He can continue pretending it’s all okay, but I am retiring. I mean he’s good, make that the best, when it comes to staying on. And I am like hello, don’t just lie still there. You gotta score some... and then once you challenge his ego, he’ll start those crazy shots. And you know he’s gonna out himself any moment. You saw it with Sri Lanka. He was fine and in fact I loved him for all those slow moves, but then he decides to pretend he’s Dhoni, which he is not. And look what happens to him? Whatever happened to Dhoni, that is," Dravid’s bat said.

Indian cricket found dead

Port-of-Spain: Indian Cricket was murdered, Trinidad police confirmed last night. Postmortem results showed the 74-year-old former World Cup winner’s body had injuries caused by a blunt object.Trinidad Police Commissioner Lushious Thomas said: “The official report from the pathologist states that Indian Cricket’s death was due to ante-mortem injuries. In these circumstances, the matter of his death is now being treated as murder.”

Indian Cricket was found dead in Queen’s Pak Oval in this Trinidad town in a pool of vomit with froth and blood around its mouth.

Deputy Police Commissioner Dark Fields said there could have been more than one killer. Mr Fields said: “It would take some significant force to subdue Indian Cricket, because it was a formidable force. But at this stage we do not know how many people were actually involved in the crime. It could be one or more people involved in this murder.”

“Everyone is a suspect,” Fields said, “including Captain Rahul Dravid and his team.” The entire Indian team and guests at the hotel were being fingerprinted. Murder detectives are scouring hours of TV footage.

Video footage shows India’s star batsman Sachin Tendulkar hitting Indian Cricket with the inside edge of his bat, which can be fatal. Even Dravid and coach Chappel, who had seen its condition deteriorate, and didn’t do enough to save him, are under suspicion.”

Indian cricket officials say it may have died because of heart-related complications. The game had suffered a heart attack after some Bangladeshi teenagers had thrashed it a week before its death. This was followed by another assault by a gang of Sri Lankans.

The postmortem showed that Indian cricket had a fracture in its heart and a deep gnash on its ego. A senior police source said: “It could also have been caused by a sharp blow, like one from the inside edge of a bat. It is still unclear how the ego was so hurt.” He, however, did not name Tendulkar.

Police at first believed the 1983 former World Cup winner may have committed suicide following the team’s shock defeat. The Indian cricket team has been allowed to leave for India, provided they cooperate with the investigation.Police at first believed the 1983 former World Cup winner may have committed suicide following its team’s shock defeat.