Bush declares war on Cuba as Lopez pounds Florida

President Bush ordered troops to move into Cuba, hours after a deadly hurricane hit Florida before moving towards Texas. No deaths were reported but damage has been extensive. Soon after the hurricane hit Florida, President Bush said the hurricane originated in Cuba, and the United States had evidence to prove the recent hurricanes were not caused by nature, but triggered by what he called Fidel Castro's rogue regime.

Weather of mass destruction
Reacting to the recent increased weather-related activities in the Gulf of Mexico, President Bush has also declared freak weather as "weapon of mass distraction." He said the United States will fight these people till it wins.

"There are weather systems in this world who wish to curtail our time honoured values of liberty, freedom and democracy. We will not stand for this act of terrorism. We will strike back with unrestrained force and the might of our military forces.

Osama says he did it
In a new twist to the US-Cuba standoff, the al-Qaeda terrorist organisation has claimed responsibility for Hurricane Lopez. In a taped messaged sent to the al-Jazeera channel, al-Qaeda's second-in-command Ayman al-Jawahiri said the tornado was launched from a ship off the Cuban coast to annihilate the infidels. He said the Cuban President Castro was not infidel, and al-Qaeda volunteers would go into Cuba to fight street battles, like they are doing in Iraq. The Al-Jazeera channel also showed terrorists practising hurricane launching at what looked like a terror camp in Afghanistan.

Britain arrests Qaeda man
Britain meanwhile has arrested a man who it suspects helped create the hurricane. Sheikh al-Rashid, a British citizen of Moroccan origin, had gone to Egypt for a course in meteorology. Scotland Yard claimed to have recovered a large number of books and maps about weather patterns.

India hints at Pakistani hand
Staying on this breaking news, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has said that India will be neutral. An Indian External Affairs Ministry spokesman said India has however passed on related intelligence to the Bush administration. He said Indian satellites have picked up images that show a laboratory in Pakistan making what is being claimed to be an Islamic tornado making plant. Pakistan has rejected India's claims. Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf said Pakistan is at the forefront in the war against terrorism.

Bush announces new austerity measures
President George W. Bush has announced to drop the W from his name, as part of the new austerity measures announced in the wake of the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. A White House statement said: "The President is setting an example by not using things that are not essential and cause only confusion."

It was confusion more than anything else that caused the delay in reaching relief to the people in New Orleans. President Bush thought France should step in as New Orleans was mostly French, while France does not believe sending troops to any foreign country, other than Africa.

President Bush has said there was an exit plan for troops deputed in New Orleans but vowed to not pull back until the enemy hurricane is defeated. "We will stay on. United States will not give in to these criminals," he told reporters in Washington.

He also said that the W will be rehabilitated once New Orleans folks are rehabilitated.

And finally, the song
(Black rapper singing with the weather map in background)

This is a story told through a map
And I don't mean it to sound like rap

This is the story of Mr Bush and Katrina
A saint called George and a lean, mean sinner

He will stay on and not pull back
And if the need be, he'll go out and attack

He won Baghdad, and Kabul by all means
but how can he win in New Orleans

He beat Saddam and crushed Taliban
he would crush hurricane if he can

They say in war all everything's fair
But a hurricane, oh dear St. Blair

Going to war is the option he'd love
He'll blame Cuba if Bush comes to shove