Main Hoon Na is bestseller

P. Chidambaram's Budget 2004 has become the first document of the government kind in history to get a place in the Top 10 Bestsellers of 2004. In the fiction category.

The 4,000-page book is selling like Mallika Sherawat posters in Muzaffarnagar as a baffled nation tries to find out what exactly did he say in those couple of hours and what he meant.

"We are lost in a sea of figures, you see," said Ms Nimmi Walia, flaunting her figure that looked a lot slimmer than Mallika Sherawat.

We are lost indeed in the fascinatingly Bollywoodish story that has suspense and intrigue with masala thrown in in good measure.

In the chapter, Main Hoon Na, he assures the aam aadmi (roughly translated as mango man) that this Budget brings back the good old days of socialist economy and that the villages will get their rightful 70 per cent of the total budget. Fruitful or fruitless is not the question.

In the chapter Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge, Laloo (who's dropped the "oo" and replaced them with a single "u", prances around the Lutyen's Delhi's trees and takes the bride, Miss Budget. But not before being offered Rs 3,200 crores as dowry. Since law has long outlawed the dowry system, it has been termed as an economic package.

In the chapter Mother India, P. Chidambaram promises the mother that he would bring back her golden bangles from the Corporate Lala but next minute assures the Lala in the same vein: "Don't worry I will not rob you."

No one knows what's on his mind. So everyone is buying the Budget The Book because it's really important to know.

"My mind tells me it's a good budget, but my wallet does not agree," said Haardy Singh, a 32-something executive with a fat salary and fatter waistline.

His slimming centre is expected to hike rates as service tax has gone up. "I want to find out if this is good for my health," a worried Singh said as he tumbled while ambling with the monster-size edition at the crowded fiction section of an upmarket bookstore.

"The book is pure fiction. It has drama, it has action, it has humour and it looks promising," said bookstore owner Karamjit Singh. Humour?

"Yes where there is Laloo there is humour. Besides where else can you find a superhero PC juggling socialism and capitalism and Leninism and what-do-you-have-ism and Laloo Prasad at one time and still stay sane," Singh tells customers. Customers nod in agreement.

It'll take at least a year before we figure out how real Chidambaram's fiction is. By that time Laloo will have learnt his English and Chidambaram Laloo's Hindi.

When they start understanding each other, we'll understand what is cooking in the Kitchen Cabinet. For now all we can do is hope there aren't too many cooks!