The hand that became a legend

YouTube grabs of that patriotic Kranti song featuring Bharat Kumar and Hema Malini. Manoj Kumar should sue YouTube because the song is tagged “hindi sexy song kranti”. This YouTube generation, we tell you! No respect, huh? It’s unpatriotic to show Bharat in bad light. The great actor’s contribution to the filmi duniya is
unforgettable. So is his hand. The hand that became a legend. All legally!

Seventies actor Manoj Kumar, who was lovingly called Bharat Kumar for his patriotic films, is furious because ruling superstar Shah Rukh Khan’s film Om Shanti Om pokes fun at him. Part of OSO is based in the Seventies’ Bollywood and takes pot shots at leading men and women of those times. The latter half of the film, based on contemporary Bollywood, pokes fun at present day stars and directors. That no one has taken offence is a healthy sign that we have a pretty good sense of humour. That Manoj Kumar has imploded with indignation shows some people still have skin so thin that a simple finger’s poke may hurt their bone. And you can be sure it won’t be the funny bone, and not having one is legal by the way.
Manoj Kumar is righteously agitated about two scenes: In a 70’s scene in OSO, his young double is beaten by police outside a theatre when he lands up for a premiere. Second, Shah Rukh Khan is shown giving a mock thank you speech in a drunken state and claims to be Manoj Kumar.
“The people of the country gave me the love and mandate to represent the country. I was Bharat and they have insulted Bharat by insulting me,” said Manoj Kumar. Ladies and Gentleman, we can now safely declare Dev Anand as the second runner up in the All-India Vanity Actors Megalomania contest. Manoj Kumar wins hands down. And dear policemen, don’t beat him when he comes to accept the award. It’s criminal to forget that hand — both sides. Not recognising his face, however, is perfectly understandable.
His last successful outing was in Kranti about 33 years ago. Most of us were not born then. Those who were could never be sure what he looked like. Half of his onscreen scenes didn’t show his face and the other half showed only half the face. His hands were handy. When not covered, his eyelids rested with calm as he sleepwalked through the film.
On November 16, 2007, Indians saw Manoj Kumar on TV, his eyes half opening for decent spans of time. He was genuinely hurt: “I am hurt. Shah Rukh Khan has injured my soul. It’s a conspiracy to humiliate and ridicule me. My devotion to filmdom for the last 50 years has been insulted.”
He is right about the devotion part. Harikishen Goswami loved films so much that he changed his name to Manoj Kumar, the character Dilip Kumar played in Shabnam. Later, he became probably the world’s only film actor who didn’t have to face the camera. He preferred to look away. The great actor could bring to life the big hamster who thought he could be an ostrich. “If I do not see the audience, the audience will not see how much the hamster hammed.” Besides the pieces of furniture could emote enough to ignite the fire of patriotism. Manoj Kumar was very entertaining. His films were so patriotic that they were idiotic when not jingoistic, but he was patriotic nevertheless. Then he started believing he was Bharat, who believed patronising is derived from the word patriotism. It was Bharat who taught us the value of Indian culture. His films ridiculed women who wore skirts or smoked or god forbid drank. The Bharatiya Nari must wear a sari and it is impossible to shame the skin-showing culture without shamelessly showing skin.
Those who have seen Kranti will not forget the sheer power of patriotism with the lead actors chained and being tortured on a ship on a very rainy day with the high seas as the background score for the chained melody of Zindagi ki na tute ladii, pyaar kar le ghadi do ghadi. Hema Malini lied on her stomach, hands tied to her back, torrid rain splashing her backless choli, her legs exposed, her bosom pressed on the soggy deck to invent a cleavage that would eclipse her struggle to lipsync Lata Mangeshkar. Bharat of course could be of no help. The script had literally tied Manoj Kumar’s hands, just like Hema’s. It didn’t look vulgar at all. Raj Kapoor wrapped his skin show in lovely layers of spirituality. It was Manoj Kumar who discovered the paper of patriotism, before he joined the BJP, who ditched Bharat for India, pardon, India Shining.
He was the Ambassador of Bharatiya Sanskriti. The new Indians have no respect for the Ambassadors parked in the backyard. Farah Khan prefers the gleaming new Merc SRK just gifted her. It’s time Bharat Kumar sued her for not poking fun at the goras, the West and their culture and blaming them for all that is evil. Bharat Kumar will not tolerate Indians laughing at Indians. Laughing at the great Indian hand is completely unacceptable.
By evening, both Farah and Shah Rukh had apologised to the legend. But apology is not enough. They will have to make a film to compensate us. How’s Mera Bharat Mahan for a title, Shah Rukh?