Monday, December 08, 2003

On Record: Sting in the tale

These are difficult times for politicians. And not just Jogi and Judeo. But because of Jogi and Judeo. No one is sure about a tiny little microphone lurking nearby.

A couple of years after a small website gave the term tehelka a new meaning, every politician worth his third eye claims to have his own. When the Judeo VCD came into circulation, it was accompanied by speculation that there were more VCDs on more ministers. Now more are coming out of the Jogi cupboard and his political future is tumbling. We, Tomorrows News Today, bring you all the stings in the tale. Here are some two news reports from the future.

WASHINGTON DC: After what is being called the slickest sting in the history of modern-day diplomacy, Pakistan President Parvez Musharraf lies trapped in his own twisted tale after Indian Prime Minister taped his conversation with him.

In a tape that has rocked the subcontinent, Musharraf has called US President Bush's English an insult to the language. President Bush has refused to meet him even as he flew to Washington DC to explain his side.

Instead Bush told reporters: "Musharraf has said a mistake. Make no mistake about it. English is my mothertongue. My mother spoke only English and used English tongue-cleaners. What America and I have inherited has come in inheritance and language is the spoken medium of understanding such inherited heritage and go deeper into the deeper world of understanding the English language. I know my Shakespears. I have my sex and eat my pears right. We'll not let such loose tongues talk about America. We'll defeat them. God bless you. God bless America."

LAHORE: Two days before the Presidential elections in Pakistan, India released a videotape showing Pakistani President Parvez Musharraf wearing a T-Shirt with a slogan: I Love India.

Indian authorities had apparently bugged his hotel room and spy cameras caught Mr Musharraf singing in his bathroom. Majority of Pakistanis sing in the bathroom as extremists fundamentalist organisations have banned singing in public.

What has shocked the country is the kind of song their leader was singing, while apparently pulling down his Tee's neck and checking a tattoo on his chest. The song goes by the name of Kaanta Laga.

President Musharraf has admitted to wearing a T-Shirt but called the tape fabricated. "I got the T-Shirt for just Rs 30. When I bought the T-Shirt it said I Love You. And I don't even know Kaanta Laga. And may I add here that I sing only Pakistani songs by Noor Jahan baaji. Yes I was singing but I was singing Chadhti Jawani. It is the only song I know by heart," he told a crowded press conference in Karachi. "As you know Bangalore is in India and I suspect the software engineers are behind this fabrication. I have banned this obscene VCD. We will not allow such di**s to play in Pakistan." He also denied reports that he fell on the bathroom floor and had a slip-disc. "Never has my di** slipped. And may I assure the nation that I shall not let my di*** slip away. I am a soldier. I'll hold on till my last breath. Pakistan paindabad."

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