Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Welcome To The Machine

A friend just back from Australia was proudly wearing a T-Shirt that says: Sex is like Rugby. You don't have to be good at it to enjoy it.
Oh yes. Let the machine do the job, guys. Just sit back and enjoy. Long after the simple vibrator hit the spot, sex has become more technology-driven than techniques-driven.
Now a new machine called the Slightest Touch has added tron to orgasm. Stimulation Systems, a Texas company, has invented a kind of Orgasmatron for women — an electrical stimulation device that takes women to a pre-orgasmic state. Priced at $200 (Rs 9,000 approx.), the battery-powered device electrically stimulates sexual nerve pathways in a woman's pelvis.
Why Slightest Touch? Because it still needs a touch to deliver orgasm. The company says the device's gentle, pulsating current brings its wearer to a state of sexual readiness, where the "slightest touch" can trigger an orgasm.
A journalist, who used the product during its tests, told Wired magazine: "It warms the oven. It brings women to the one-yard line.... It's a wonderful product. I think the world of it."
And like all things sexy, it happened with an accident. One of the four co-inventors was trying to develop an electrical foot massager. Using his girlfriend as a test subject, the prototype didn't do so much for her feet, but it did stimulate her sexually, the company said.
Not to be left behind, a British company has given the term phone sex a new meaning. Vibelet’s Purring Kitty software turns the Nokia mobile phone vibrator into well a vibrator. The software, which costs as little as Rs 150 can be downloaded to the phone via WAP. Well, the Kitty and Touch may well bring a much-needed relief to those who can do with it. Technology is making life easier and sexier.
Welcome to the Machine. Yesterday nearly 45 million Indian voted in what's being called the semifinal elections. None of them used ballot paper. The electronic voting machines or EVMs have taken the paper out of the ballot. And exit polls have taken the suspense out of results. Now that the biggest democracy in the world has got used to the small machines, may yours truly discovers some new machines that help shape the new realities of Indian politicians' life.

KHURANASTICK: Great demand in the great Indian political bazaar. Madan Lal Khurana may already be scouring Palika Bazaar for a stimulation software. "It is a tiny stick that can send tiny electrical signals to his heart and help boost his morale ever-sagging like a wilting lotus," so did not say a BJP worker.

A-SHOCK-ING-A-LOT: Though the name of this yet another tiny machine sounds similar to that of Ashok Gehlot, but he apparently has not developed this machine. But FOR him. This machine does some shocking things. Like it sends minute electrical shocks to the brain that stretches about 14 facial muscles in a shape that people call smile. And the user heads for a haircut. Out comes an A-HANGING-A-LOT Assembly.

ANTI-VCD: A sure-fire cure to end the curse of the VCD, which misfires so well that it would shame an Australian boomerang. A gentleman called Ajit Jogi used the simple video disc to its devastating perfection a la Krishna of Mahabharata. This disc nearly shaved the moustache off a man. That man, a not-so-gentle Dilip Singh Judeo, had a close shave. Jogi's orgasm needed a Slightest Touch. And simple tribalfolks didn't approve of the Jogi way of visual politics. Now he a vaccine, that can eliminate the side-effects of the VCD.

DIGGITAL DIVIDER: No one's invited. Digvijay Singh of Madhya Pradesh is in the middle of nowhere in hiw own pradesh. His victory rath got stuck in the craters on the state's roads as Uma Bharti rode on a anti-incumbency wave. The urban population thought he gave power to rural areas and the rural folks thought he gave power to only urban areas. So they both gave power to Uma Bharti. Now Diggi now-not-so-tall is sure there was a Divider machine at work by the name of Mayawati.

MIZORAM-IT-DOWN THE THROAT: There is a great need to develop a machine that forces the media to recognise Northeast as part of India even when terrorists aren't killing innocent people. The elections in the Hindi land cause so much debate and no one wants to waste airwaves and paper on Mizoram. Can we treat states as equal at times?


Anonymous said...

if there is cum in the nostril wiil it impregnate the eye?

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