Cricket Laao, Desh Ki Izzat Bachao

In what made Indians break into balle balle, the Indian Olympic Association has demanded that cricket be played at the 2004 Olympics.

The decision to demand a medal came soon after Holland humiliated India 3-1 in its first hockey match. IOC (not to be confused with Indian Oil Corporation) president Kuresh Salmadi said all India needed was a level-playing field, and the only thing Indians play in field is cricket. Rest of our athletes have finished anywhere between fourth and the last position.

“We are the world’s largest democracy and we want the world’s biggest event to imbibe some democratic principles like equality. Unless we are allowed to play cricket, we will not win a single medal. In cricket Australia will take the gold, Sri Lanka the silver and we are confident we can take the bronze,” Mr Salmadi told a crowded press conference in Athens.

He added that India wanted kabaddi’s inclusion but now countries like Korea were playing kabaddi and “we are not sure of being on a strong wicket there.”

Hockey, India’s national game, is played in corners not used to play for cricket. These corners are called penalty corners because playing hockey is a penalty in a country where cricket’s 12th player is treated like god and the hockey captain Dilip is treated like someone from Turkey.

The announcement triggered panic waves among all but 14 cricket-playing nations. “The Games are for humans, why does India want insects in all this,” asked a flabbergasted Finland fan.

Looking at the Sachin Tendulkar poster on the wall behind Mr Kalmadi, an American Olympic delegate wondered why Indians have such awkward-shaped baseball bats. To this the Finnish fan's flabber was even more gasted. "Bats, why bats? To eat the crickets?

In India, people began bursting crackers and some danced holding Olympic flame replicas saying India may finally win a medal.

“We are a country that believes in unity in diversity. We do not believe in individualism like the West. We believe in team work and in cricket, it comes out so well,” an Indian commentator said on TV.