Rubber vibrating with anger at Vijayavargiya

India’s most controversial condom, Crezendo the Vibrator is furious after being labelled a sex toy by the Madhya Pradesh government. It said that the government is confusing business with pleasure and that it is anti-climax.

“Our politicians say sex is only for procreation and not for recreation. At the rate Indians copulate, imagine the country’s population. Every Indian will want to beat Lalu Yadav, though only Lalu Yadav would be the railway minister,” the scorned vibrating rubber told a press conference.Crezendo also chastised newspapers for publishing Madhya Pradesh minister Kailash Vijayavargia’s statement in which he had lambasted the vibrating condom for diverting the society from the pious path.

Talking to this reporter, Vijayavargiya had said the sale of vibrating condoms in the state violated certain principles.” Vijayavargiya said, “Vibrating condom is no condom. The company which has launched the product is promoting it as a sex toy. And no government should allow sale of sex toys.”

Crezendo ridiculed his “Vibrating condom is no condom” statement saying it’s like saying Kailash Vijayavargiya is no Vijayvargiya.Taking Vijayavargiya head on, Crezendo said people like him are still living in the Stone Age, when wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am-and-now-I-go-off-to-my- own-cave was the norm.

“If people don’t need a vibrating condom, Hindustan Latex will take me off the shelves. It’s not the men who seek me. They would rather do without any condom, they are so stupid. It’s the ladies who seek me. I am just meeting their needs. I am not here to be a toy and I object to such classification by the honourable minister. Dildo is a toy and it has been here for long and illegally so. I can’t replace it.”

He pointed out that the minister was ignorant of the state’s rich heritage. “This is the land of Khajuraho. The images in Khajuraho are kinkier than the tiny vibrations in my ring. A little vibration is better than no vibration any day.” He however did not comment on whether any minister has ever used one. “I would rather not get into controversial things,” Crezendo said.