Sautela will be the next President of India

New Delhi, June 20, 2062: A humble farmer from Pratappur Gangadhar Sautela is on his way to become the President of the republic. Last night, he received a telephone call from Ms Ramnik Gandhi, president of the party leading the ruling coalition at the Centre.In Indian democratic tradition over the last fifty years, the highest officer of the country is elected on the basis of a phone call. For the last three days, many politicians, governors, former governors were not taking any calls other than the high command, which never came to them.

“Two senior politicians — Saratkumar Ganda and Lalaram Sauda — suffered cardiac arrest when they received a call from a Delhi number. Just the STD code 011 gave them the hope that it was the call to become President,” a government spokesperson said. However, the real call went to Sautela. He denied reports that one politician did not go to the bathroom for three days and died because of gastro complications.

“These days even the rickshaw-puller has a mobile phone, which can be taken anywhere. These stories are baseless,” he said.Sautela’s name came up after the coalition could not find a person all the partners agreed upon.

The 23-party coalition has varied parties from both Leftist and Rightist ideologies. Every name that was suggested was rejected by one party or the other. Since India has had Muslim, women, Sikh and other token Presidents, Kisan Dal President suggested that it was time a farmer became President. But most politicians claimed they were of farmer origins since Amitabh Bachchan declared himself a farmer. The political crisis however ended when Prime Minister Sadhan Singh suggested Gangadhar Sautela’s name. The Prime Minister however did not disclose how he came up with the name. Later in the evening, Congress Party President Ramanik Gandhi called up Sautela, who was relieving himself in the fields not far from his home in Pratappur. Sautela’s son rushed to him with the phone. “I immediately accepted the high command’s command. I am a loyal soldier of the party,” Sautela told us over the phone from Pratappur.

“I will fight for the right of farmers and also the left of the farmers, because I believe in taking everybody along.”Sautela used to be an active member of the party till 2048, when he decided to concentrate on his two-bigha plot in Pratappur. He is said to be dejected by the way the party had treated him, forcing early retirement on him. But now his struggle has paid off, when he’d given up hope.