Wednesday, August 06, 2003

Hppy Frndshp De

In the village I was born, we woke up to sounds made by birds. I loved birds, especially the rooster which worked as an alarm clock for about some six months in 1983. Then one night, we roasted the alarm clock to a nice dark chocolate brown, bordering on burgundy. It was yum!

Then we used the neighbour's alarm clock, till I woke up to the neighbour's loud belch one morning. It sounded yuck and meant his dinner was yum. Anyway, the alarm clock shifted to the hamlet half a kilometre away. Our dog kept those chicks and roosters limited to their area, lest they should become his lunch.

Then I came to the city and bought a mechanical one. These were really funny alarm clocks. If you set them to 8 am, they would do their trin-trin at 8 pm as bonus. They didn't understand meridian. You could even call the telephone department to wake you up.

Then came the electronic Made-in-Japan versions of the alarm clock, which could wake you up with 138 all-new melodies, all equally irritating. They could also show you what time it is now in Timbuktu. Talking clocks would tell you the same.

Those were the days! These days, one doesn’t need an alarm clock. Since the mobile phones started sharing my pillow, some one or the other gives me a call, saying he/she couldn't get through when he/she tried last night. Hence this early morning call. In my half-asleep baritone, I sing, "I am sleeping." They say: "Sorry, will call ya later."

But sms has killed this exchange of unpleasantries. The person doesn't need to apologise for waking you up. These days I wake up to messages like "Hey whazzup?", "Santa Singh made love to Banta Singh's wife and then…", "Laloo has another child and has named it cellular", “What is Bruce Lee’s chappal size? Scroll Down” and the like. Invariably, around 6.39 am, my phone goes beep-beep with 1 message received.

This Sunday morning, I woke up to Friendship Day messages. Note the plural. All pains in the neck come in plural. Most of the people I didn't know existed forwarded me those stupid messages. I know they were forwarded because every single one said: "Happy Friendship Day To You."

How great! I got friends who remembered me because some stupid friends of theirs remembered them whom some stupid friends of theirs remembered and so on.

By the way, nobody remembers the Orgasm Day, which passed silently just a couple of days ago. A day before that was Foreplay Day, I read in the papers. No one sent a message. Thank God!

There are more days to celebrate than a year has. From Kidney Day to Failed Liver Day to Grey Day, White day, Red Day, Green Day, What-do-you-have Day. There are more emails to reply to. There are more SMS messages to read.
I got to stop now. My phone is beeping. 1 Message received. And it says "HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY".

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