Money, Buy Me a Judge

“There are some thing money can’t buy, for everything else, there’s Mastercard goes one of the most memorable ad lines in the history of hawking stuff through publicity.

The series of Mastercard ads have been a big hit. Most of them are quite funny too, but it’s a necessity for all good advertisers. Ads that are funny work. People remember the funny part and remember the product and spend money on buying the stuff. Money you know is a funny thing.

Nobody picks up a crumpled, dirty, torn shirt lying on the roadside even if it was worth a thousand bucks when new. People would run to grab a crumpled, dirty, greasy 100-buck note flying in the air.

With money, you can do really funny things like buy paper and pen and write a long letter to your girlfriend already in love with your money. Or you can write “PLEASE TAKE ME OUT THIS JAIL” in capital letters, which in reverse reads “PLEASE LET ME STAY IN THE JAIL PLEASE.” Don’t try reading in reverse. You will reach the beginning of this story. So here begins the story.

P. Lall of Delhi has a government accommodation: a cell at the Tihar Jail. The problem is he got nothing to do inside jail. Most of the guys in jail are down to their last penny and it’s not an ideal place for a cheat to operate. She he wants to operate outside the jail.

The police shifted him to Tihar after his career in forgery and cheating was burning so bright that the constable napping on the beat could see it. Beat brings us to Beatles, who sang the famous: Money can’t buy you love.

Who needs love? Ditto for Lall, so he decided to buy freedom. And he didn’t want any one to come between him and the law. So he decided to bribe Lau, the judge, in writing and in person.

"You should release me immediately and also decide the case in my favour. Once I am released, I shall furnish your fee for this favour by cheque," Lall scribbled at the bottom of the bail application he handed over to Metropolitan Magistrate Kamini Lau, when his case came up for hearing in court. Lall seems to have read a lot of non-fiction legal thrillers where villains bribe their way out of hell.

Lau was so angry that she asked Lall to read out the last two lines of his bail application in court. Last heard Lall was humming to Pink Floyd: Money, get away.