Wednesday, August 06, 2003

The leg-breaking story

Actor Vivek Oberoi has fractured his leg while shooting for a Mani Ratnam film in Kolkata yesterday. Beau Ash had fractured her toe in Nashik early this year. Vivek was on his feet all night then as Ash was flown in to Mumbai for bandages.

Her ex Salman had threatened to break Vivek's leg. He had earlier deprived two men of their legs and another of life itself. The one night Salman and Vivek had a phone brawl about a possible a physical fight. Vivek found a leg to stand on here and next day he called a press conference at his home. After some sleepless nights, Salman is back on his legs, up and running around trees and Bhumika Chawla in Tere Naam.

The story apparently is based on Salman's own tragic love story. The promos on TV show no legs of Chawla but shows a medically mad Salman handcuffed, neck-cuffed and of course leg-cuffed. Now sympathy is slowly moving towards Salman from Aishwarya. Everyone's saying poor guy, restless soul, tch tch.

Legs are restless, legs make us walk, everyone walks on legs, including the four-legged ones. The human leg is that portion of the extremity between the foot and the thigh. In quadrupeds, both the hind and fore limbs are referred to as legs, while our forelimbs are called hands.

Then we love legs, especially of people in show business and they return the favour by showing us more of them (legs). Betty Grable didn’t mince words when said: “There are two reasons why I'm in show business, and I'm standing on both of them.”

The longer the legs, the better the business. And no business is like show business, as they say, and as they show. Some people know how to get mileage out of legs without running for miles. Marlene Dietrich was one of them: “Darling, the legs aren't so beautiful, I just know what to do with them,” she is on quote.

And man, she could do that even in the last leg of her career. Women generally have “nice legs” and they walk all over men all the time if they have really nice ones. Men call these beauties leggies… Leggy, Leggy, Dil Le Gayee, Le Gayee.
Nobody talks about men’s legs. Are they ugly? H.G. Wells thought the uglier the better, at least the man can putt it right till the last hole.

“The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf—it's almost a law,” Wells wrote.

For sheep of Animal Farm the more legs, the nicer it is. “Four legs good, two legs bad” was their slogan. In fact, the first two of Snowball’ Seven Commandments were: 1. Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy. 2. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.

A guruji promoting brahmcharya believes the trouble is not in the length, breadth, number or diameter of ones’s legs. It lies between our legs. The football coach agrees: "Often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." But a forward guy always has new legs up his sleeve.

This is so confusing, my legs jerk everytime I think about them. They jerk when I lie down thinking about all those long-legged beauties on the ramp. I have this sensation in my legs, like some eight-legged freaks are crawling up. And with a stunning juerk, I'm awake. This is called Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS). Eight percent of humanity has RLS, though few know it. It's a genetic, and can be medically controlled, if not cured.

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